Sorry for the wall of text, TL;DR at the end. (Minor Details changed for privacy. Non-native speaker, so please bear with me especially with the kids' dialogues...)We've been having this issue at the daycare for about 2 weeks, it's nothing too big yet, so my post might seem petty compared to other peoples' problems.The issueEssentially our son Alex is verbally bullied by another boy named Robert, to the point that Alex does not want to go to daycare anymore. He also had a minor "panic attack" - for the lack of a better word - because of something Robert threatened to do (Robert said he would tell his father to call the police on Alex and they would lock him up - Alex only calmed down when he saw that Robert's mother came to daycare, not his father.) Robert will also "send" Alex to do forbidden things for him, like get a bucket of water or something.Another example that I witnessed yesterday was the following:Alex had drawn two pictures. Robert and another boy (Michael, who was passive in this) came and Robert said "Michael lost his picture, but you have two - give him one." Alex looked at me and I said "Well, what do you say?" And he said "No." (We do exercises in saying no and deflective behaviour since we noticed the issue.) Robert said: "But you have two, you have to share one." To which Alex again said no. Robert continued with: "I will bring a water pistol tomorrow, and I will make only you wet, everyone else will stay dry." Alex managed an "I don't care." Robert went on with: "I will come to your home and spray your window with it so you cannot look outside." (I know, doesn't make sense, right?) to which Alex said nothing. Robert then said: "Or I can shoot you in the eye you will go blind." Alex said: "That does not work." Somehow they managed to slowly circle me and go out of sight (plus another parent approached me), so I don't know exactly what was said, but Robert managed to get Alex to scream and cry. Robert then said something along "I tricked you, it was all fun." Which it was clearly not for Alex.What we didI have talked to one of the teachers. The teacher basically said they cannot have their eyes everywhere and said to Alex he should not do what Robert says and he should not take Robert seriously. So far I have not seen them talk to Robert too. I have yet to speak with the teacher that is directly responsible for Alex' and Robert's group, but I know that he is more of a let-the-boys-sort-it-out-among-themselves type.I have also spoken to both of Robert's parents at two occasions. They do talk to Robert - and he clearly knows it's not ok what he did, since he tries to weasel his way out - but I don't see any effect, there is no other punishment than a stern talk. According to his father Robert says he is just making fun with Alex. His father also pointed out that all of the boys irritate each other all the time, including Alex.What we do with Alex is training saying no and other deflective behaviour, as mentioned above. Currently we want him to physically be able to walk away from Robert if he feels like it's not fun anymore. At the same time we try to make him sensitive to his own bullying and being mean to other kids, punishing it and forcing actions to make it right again (saying sorry, repairing damage, hugging, changing the play pattern etc.) when we get the chance.For contextThe daycare is rather small (about 40 kids including very young ones, in the afternoon there will be about 20 kids left), so the options of avoiding each other without being singled out are limited. Alex and Robert do get along half of the time, they can play together and have fun. Alex can also be quite emotional and will cry easily sometimes for minor things. He is also no angel: about 3-6 months ago he (proudly?) told me they ganged up on another boy and teased him - to which I was furious and made it very clear if he did that one more time with anyone he will face the usual consequences (toys and privileges taken away), it has not happened since (at least he did not tell me, but also no parent approached me, so I'll believe that was that.)I have no problem with occasional fights including being mean, throwing sand and crying. But what disturbs me is the clearly non-violent, persistent provoking under the guise of "It was just fun."Both boys are 5, not 15, they are intelligent and usually nice. I feel this is one of the few chances to teach them how to treat others with respect.So my questions are mainly:How do I navigate this situation? I have a hard time telling Robert's parents something like "Well, start punishing him already, only talking won't do anything" and dealing with their implied "But Alex is mean to kids, too...", which is true, but I do more about that than just talking.How do I communicate to Alex' teacher that a laissez-faire approach might be counterproductive in this case? I mean, they want the kids to wash their hands before eating and teach them other manners, but when it comes to treating others like crap they just don't care?Anyone been in a similar spot? What did you do?TL;DRMy son is verbally bullied in daycare by one particular boy. Parents do not punish the behaviour, while we try to train our son how to respond non-violently to the bullying. What else to do? via /r/Parenting http://ift.tt/2cQuouf
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