My 4 year old son, could be sexually abused

I’m a single dad, very young, and I do not have any experience in parenting. I’m just taking slow, baby steps and learning as I go along. I have no idea where to seek advice, so here I am. Pardon the throwaway, I would like to keep my son’s and my identity confidential, in case my friends or someone close sees this post.Lately, my son’s behaviour has caught my attention and I am starting to suspect that someone could be potentially abusing him sexually. I’m sorry, this might get lengthy.For context, I work as a pilot, so there will be certain days in a week where I have to fly and I will not be around. On days when I’m not around, I’ll send him over to a old lady who stays a few houses down our street. Two years back, she dropped by my house and sincerely asked if I needed a nanny for my son. Seeing how she’s friendly, amicable, and an easy going person, I gave the green light. I figured it was extremely convenient too, since we’re staying on the same street. That was how it all started. I was extremely positive she would make a good fit as my son’s nanny, but I’m not too sure now.I engage in rather intimate activities with my son. Mainly because I believe we are both males, and we share no boundaries. Whatever sexual organ that I have, he has it too. So on days I’m at home, I shower with him. Two weeks ago, when I was showering with him, he has started asking things like, ‘Papa, will your peepee become hard like a rock?’ and he pointed at my penis. As if, someone has taught him about it. I was shocked. I have never been erected in front of him, there’s no way he would know. So I asked him, ‘Did anyone play with you in an inappropriate manner?’ He kept quiet suddenly and tried to change the subject, as if afraid he might divulge something. I continued pressing him for an answer but he refused to say something. As the situation got more tensed, he broke down crying so I stopped. This situation ended just that, and I’ve never pursued it any further since I couldn’t bear to see my son crying although I did suspect something was amiss because he was clearly overreacting.Ever since that incident, I’ve worn swimming shorts with him while showering with him. Things were pretty stagnant for a period until last week, which happened consecutively for a few days, my son has been showing immense curiosity for my private part, although it isn’t exactly unfamiliar to him since he has seen it before. He pulled my shorts and underwear down while I was walking and shouted, ‘Show me it! Let us play a game!’ I got scared at his choice of words. I don’t even know how to probe him because I’m certain he won’t reveal anything. I am unsure where did he learn it from, or was someone doing it to him and he’s just mimicking?I was a victim of child abuse, and it has been traumatic for me even till now. I’m on therapy for a few years now but it’s still just there. I’m afraid my son is a victim, because I don’t want him to suffer the same fate as I do but I can’t seem to gather any information on that from him.I don’t even know who did that to him. Nanny’s husband? Nanny’s son? Nanny’s visitor? Or who?Do you think he was sexually abused? And if so, how do I go about resolving this? I’m sorry if this gets controversial, I am really at loss now. Do you think going to a paediatrician and explaining the situation could help to dig out something from my son? I’ve googled and some said kids’ curiosity for such is normal but I beg to differ. My son has never been like this. I would appreciate any great advice, thank you so much. via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2OXZe6k