I am an Asian married to a British man for the last 8.5 years. The first few years of our marriage was spent moving to various countries. Finally we moved to the UK in late 2014 and I have been living here on a spouse visa since. I have 2 children aged 2 and 4. I have had depression since I was a teenager. I am 31 now. I met my husband when I was 21, and he is a decade older than me. I had post natal depression when my eldest child was 6 months old and I looked after her mostly alone while my husband worked away. Cracks in our marriage started to show when we moved to another part of the UK to be together as a family in 2017 when I was pregnant with my second child. In the past year, we constantly clashed over parenting and his harsh treatment of our daughter. In April this year I suffered a major relapse of depression. I attempted suicide, which my husband facilitated by providing me with pills to overdose on. After that I spiralled downwards very rapidly; wondering what kind of husband would do that then hesitate to call an ambulance when I asked for one the next morning. I started drinking alcohol, briefly for one week. One night in May I had very disturbing thoughts about harming my children. I was drinking too. I knew it wasn’t right and that I needed help urgently. I told my husband and said I need help. Instead of calling for professional help, he called a friend over. That only made things worse for me. I asked that friend to leave then continued drinking while ranting at my husband. I then asked him to leave me alone and give me space, he refused. Finally he relented, but I was completely agitated by then. He was with our son in his bedroom, I went to my bedroom and looked for pills to take. I didn’t want to die, I wanted him to get me help. He said he’d call the police, I said great. He had our son in his arms and was calling the police. Then I blacked out due to the alcohol. During that time, he said I assaulted him by biting him on the face, and that I vividly threatened to kill my children. I was arrested by the police then placed on bail which prevented me from going to my home or speaking to my husband.Since then I have seen my children twice. My husband has reported to social services and the police that he’s been a victim of domestic abuse for the last 7 years. That I am emotionally and psychologically abusive. He hasn’t let me go home even after police removed my bail. Meanwhile after talking to people, many are of the opinion that my husband seems to have had this planned. That he’s the one who has been controlling and coercive through the marriage. I’ve had to move to a different part of the country to live with a friend. My husband is giving me a small amount of money a month. He uses contact with my children to torment me. I have no savings, job or home where I can have my children visit. I was suddenly removed from their lives. My husband has reported to immigration that our marriage is over and my visa has been curtailed. I have 2 months left on it and a pending police case. My husband will drop the charges if I’m going to return to Asia. That’s what he wants: for me to leave. Because I can’t leave the country while being under police investigation. I might be placed in a deportation centre otherwise.There is a way I can stay if I fight like hell. By going the route of the victim of domestic abuse. It would take a lot out of me to go that route. I am weak mentally, emotionally and physically. I feel that I can’t fight anymore. It’s a long fight, not a short one if I want to remain in the UK. No job, no home. I could return to Asia, live with my mother (which is a whole other issue by itself) and try to make something of myself there. But I would be leaving my children permanently. I don’t know. The sensible side of me is saying leave. But the mum in me says stay. via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2K9ShMR
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