How can I talk to my kids about their dad’s mental illness and darker side?

I have two kids who are 11 and 12 years old. Their father and I split up when they were very young (less than 2 years old) so they never knew a life with all of us living together. Our relationship was chaotic, he was abusive ... sometimes. And an alcoholic. His presence in my kids life is sporadic, which because of his nature - I’m ok with. He has always done a good job of putting up a front when he does see the kids. And I’ve always painted him in a positive light because the kids aren’t around him enough to really see how horrible he can be.He is mostly an absent father except when hes in a relationship. He tends to come around a bit more, and take the kids for a few hours here and there with his girlfriend (which is all fine by me.) and he’s been in a relationship for about a year now so that means he’s been around the kids more. Anyway, he is suicidal. He has been for as long as I’ve known him. And the other day he sent my 12 year old daughter a long text message along the lines of “I’m sorry I wasn’t a better father. Just know that i loved you so much.” And she called him and he was crying and talking the same way then his phone died and she couldn’t reach him back. I was at work during this and my daughter at my mom’s. So I didn’t find out right away. Once I did I reached out to his girlfriend who told me he was passed out and it was “one of his drunken days.” I told my daughter her dad is ok and she breathed a huge sigh of relief. She was so worried and upset.I talked to his girlfriend for a while who told me she’s trying to help him but the abuse is too much, and it was like a flashback like I was talking to myself over 10 years ago. Since the time me and him were together he’s been diagnosed as bipolar, is still an alcoholic, and now also has an opioid addiction. (I just learned about the opioids and the diagnosis- although neither was a surprise.)I’ve been looking at him through rose colored glasses because I haven’t seen him much. Only the good side, this whole time. But he’s still abusive and controlling, and his girlfriend is scared. He involved my daughter by sending her that crazy text message. I don’t know what to do. She says He won’t get help, he just self medicates. I don’t know how to talk to my kids about his mental illness. I don’t know how to help his girlfriend.This all happened a few days ago and now everything is “fine” again. She loves him and doesn’t want to leave. He’s “ok just had a bad day” ... I mostly needed to tell this story but also if anyone has some suggestions on how I can talk to my kids about his mental illness. They adore him, of course... and I don’t necessarily want them to think negatively of him- but I do think it’s coming to a point where they need to know who he really is.My kids have never been with him when he’s had an episode like this. Like I said, his involvement is minimal... and that’s the real reason I’ve never brought it up to them prior to now. via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2GY1GUg