Picking colleges?

EDIT - tldr - How do I help my daughter make a wise college decision when faced with a Mom who will push her strongly in a direction I don't really agree with at all? And how do I do that without my kiddo just being in the middle of a tug-of-war?Could use a little advice about picking colleges in the context of divorced parents who really don't see eye-to-eye about this sort of stuff.Ex-wife and I have been divorced for a number of years and we have a 16 year old daughter who is going to be picking a college in the next year or so.Even before my daughter was born and her mom and I actually got along, we'd argue about this stuff. She has always thought that you should aspire to attending a private university and that the brand name of that university was worth it. I went to a large state university (state flagship school) and think that bachelor's degrees are pretty worthless nowadays, so don't spend too much on them and reserve money for graduate school when you graduate and get sick of flipping burgers with your BA in History.I've known this argument was coming all along and now it's plopped in my lap. :)I'd also add that my ex-wife and I did a pretty good job saving for college, so I THINK my daughter has enough saved that she could go most places and it be fully covered. Both my ex and I DO have a legal obligation in our divorce settlement to cover 50% of college, but there is a cap that limits either of our exposure to 50% of a state school and it's only for 4 years max (which is something my attorney wisely made me include in case I'd lost my job or got cancer or something).The problem I'm facing is that my ex-wife isn't just pushing small, expensive private schools......she's now going HARD at tiny (~300 student) all-girls schools. Ugh. No offense to anyone who went to those places, but I'm not even sure why they exist anymore. I could understand them in 1880, but nowadays almost all schools have been coed for 50+ years. Hell.....my alma mater (the flagship state school) is almost a "girls school" because it's like 70:30, lol. And the rationale for these schools is two-fold. One is that my daughter is supposedly shy......which I really don't see in her. She's not the life of the party, but she always has had friends and when I pick her up at school she's always talking to other kids. The way my ex-wife talks about her, you'd think she was this bullied child hiding the corner with nobody to talk to. The other reason is these little girl's schools all support her youth sport as a seriously college team (whereas most state schools just have it as a club sport on an intramural basis).Ugh....I just think this would be a tragic mistake for her to go spend $200K at some crummy all-girls school just to avoid social situations and to continue the youth sport fairy tale.She's a pretty typical 16 year old and doesnt' really know what she wants to do with her life. And that's actually fine with me. That's when you pick a state school and just go have a blast. Learn to live away from home. How to manage your own life without your parents there all the time. How to crash and burn sometimes. How to function the day after drinking too much. How to have a pregnancy scare. How to break up with a boy who isn't good enough for you. All of this is real life shit and is part of what (imho) college should teach you that you simply don't get much of at a 200 student all-girl's school where you're focused on your "sport". Ugh.The problem I also have is my ex-wife and I have very different parenting styles. My ex-wife sees the world as right and wrong. There is what she picks for herself and everyone else is wrong. And not just wrong....inferior and amoral. It was very frustrating when we were married and I came to realize most of it actually came from a place of insecurity and lack of confidence. She's just not the type to make her decision and live with it. She's not confident that she chose correctly and therefore needs all the other choices to be WRONG and INFERIOR to make herself feel better.So, my kiddo's mom doesn't just see this as "pick the right college for you".....if my kiddo doesn't pick what my ex-wife wants, she will have to be strong enough to really tell her mom "No, mom. I don't want to go to college at that school you think is best for me."That's not how I parent. Ever since she was a little girl, we talk about upcoming decisions. We weigh the options and discuss pros/cons and then she makes her choice......and then we circle back and talk about what was good, what was bad, what didn't we know until afterwards, would we do it differently in hindsight, etc. So, she's used to her dad not telling her what to do.However, I've always known that when it comes to the really big stuff, I'd put my foot down if I had to. So, I'd much prefer that she make an intelligent decision herself.....but on this decision I don't think I'd stand there silently while she wastes 4 years and $200K and then say, "What would you do differently in hindsight?" This is a big decision. I'd just tell her it's a dumb college.Any thoughts in general? What can I do to support her ability to not just make a good decision here (I DO actually respect her judgement and think she will know what the right decision is) but to also be strong enough to tell her mom "no"? How do I do that without her feeling like she's backed into a corner where she'll be disappointing a parent regardless of what she chooses?And I do appreciate that by having these strong feelings about the college choice, I'm basically doing the same thing I accuse my ex-wife of doing. I appreciate the irony. The only things I'd probably put my foot down about would be this and marrying someone stupid. :) via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/36ppOvK