I get panicky when I think of having kid #2. Can you relate?

Hi all. Hope this is an OK parenting topic, I don't know where else this can be appreciated.We have a 20 month old daughter and she is so much fun. I "think"? I just want one child but I am open to two. The thought is appealing to me as they get older. And my husband wants two but is OK with one.So this morning she started crying from her crib pretty early and I brought her to my bed before my alarm went off, lights were off, I was cuddling her and I decided to get out my phone and show her pics of animals and see if she could name them. She was giggling and smiling and pointing and having a BLAST and so was I. It was such a fun moment and then panic and dread hit me out of nowhere and I thought "If I have two kids this won't be as fun, because then they're both going to be in bed with me and loud and annoying and I really just enjoy this right now and I really just want THIS special time with just her one on one, forever, I don't want to share her or these moments".I had such a big physiological reaction to that thought and I had to almost back myself down like "no we haven't decided anything yet, chill".Every time I think of a cool zoo day or trip to the park with her it's so relaxing and fun but then when I think of bringing two kids it just turns it into immediate dread and panic and I'm like noooope noooope can't do it.I don't know if I am seeing the reality of two kids through a poor lens though or if this my gut telling me no, actually, you do not want another child and staying happy where you are now is what you are meant to do.Can anyone relate to these feelings that went on to have a second child? What was the experience like for you? II somehow feel like having a second one would be a "threat" to my relationship with the first. But then again when I think of having two kids when they're teens or young adults, it's something that would be really nice.Many thanks for reading. via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2RFaeaZ