After three years of being a parent, my life has no meaning

tldr; before having a kid I had a meaningful life, now nothing other than parenting feels meaningful. I'm depressed and taking meds, but still feel empty inside.Before becoming a parent, I (mid-thirties) had a rich, full life. I was an active participant in a community that I felt had meaning, was part of a big social network of people who helped each other out, and while my career (related to my community) was sputtering, I had hopes and prospects for finding meaningful work. My partner (early thirties) and I didn't have a lot of money (both of us were in graduate programs), but we were happy and content.Then we had a baby. Everything about the first year was difficult; at first the baby would only sleep on one of us, so someone was awake at all times (we were too scared to try co-sleeping). The baby also had a hard time breastfeeding (tongue tie diagnosed too late), but we persisted, supplementing with formula as necessary (which felt terrible; no judgement on formula, but it's not what we wanted). Our community was incredibly supportive, but as sleep deprivation took hold and we struggled to survive parenting and keep up with our academic programs (and as my partner began looking for a job post-graduation), we began to pull away from them and become very internally focused. This only got worse when we finally sleep-trained and found out that our baby would actually sleep but only in perfect circumstances (totally dark, sound machine, crib, at home) at very specific times.In that first year, my partner ended up getting a job in a different city, so we moved to a place where we had some friends but no larger community. We became even more insular and gave up most of the things that had been so meaningful before having a kid. Even as our kid got older and some of the logistical things became easier (like fewer naps trapping us at home less), I found myself totally uninterested in going back to doing the communal things we had done before. Even when I visit our old community, I feel totally disconnected from them, and whatever joy or satisfaction I used to get is hard to remember. (At some point I got rid of Facebook where I used to be very active mostly so I didn't have to interact with people from my "old life" because it made me too sad.) It's also really hard for me to focus on my work, since it's closely related to being part of this community that I feel super distant from.It's now been three years since we had our kid. I love our kid more than anything, and our kid is funny, smart, joyful, and behaves really well most of the time. But there's a gaping hole in my life where *I* used to be. Outside of parenting, nothing feels meaningful or worthwhile; I go through the motions and try to find professional opportunities to build my career, but I'm not excited about anything, even the things I used to be passionate about. I used to be a very giving, outwardly-focused person, and now I just focus on my kid and the mechanics of getting through the day like making meals, getting our kid to school, bedtime and don't have any space or energy to give to anyone that's not my kid (and my partner, although our relationship has suffered too). Even normal things like reading or watching TV that I used to like are just dull and uninteresting.If that sounds like depression, it is! I've been in therapy for two years and am taking antidepressents, which have helped ward off really negative thoughts. But this is the point I've stabilized at, and no techniques or medication adjustments have helped. A tragic death in the family means that we've had the resources to buy a home and hire full-time (wonderful) child care so that I have time to finish my degree, but it turns out that material comfort is no substitute for a life that feels worthwhile.Mostly I'm posting this because I'm in a low place right now. If anyone out there has felt similarly and gotten through it (or not), I guess it helps to know that I'm not alone.(Before people ask, yes, I left out genders, because it doesn't seem particularly relevant. I also didn't say much about how my partner feels about things; they've tried to be supportive of me but it hasn't really helped. We split things up equally, but because my partner has a full-time+ job and my schedule is flexible, I end up taking care of most of the house stuff like cooking and shopping, which is fine with me.) via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2RCGOup