A couple weeks ago I posted about my apprehension of letting my sons (15 and 8) go for a weekend trip to Chicago with a family friend. I didn't listen when people tried to give me advice, and went with my own method.I did pack suitcases for both of them. I made rule lists and gave a copy to both kids and my friend. I packed meals for the first day, and told them "acceptable" meals for the rest of the days. I requested texts each night, reassuring me that they were okay. I asked that they never take public transportation while there. I asked that he wouldn't take them swimming because it's still early in Spring. They had to wear coats when it was under 60.Well, my husband took the liberty of pulling our friend aside and telling him to just scrap everything I told him and let the kids have a good time. He then told me this a few hours after they left.I'm not proud of the way I reacted. I screamed at my husband, cried, tried to call the friend and tell him to turn around but got no answer. My husband waited until I had stopped having a melt down and then told me he's seriously concerned about how involved I am with the kids, and he thinks I'm doing them more damage than good. We talked for a long time, I mean 4 or 5 hours, and I finally began to see that I can be overbearing. My husband was so far at his wits end that he was about to leave and I didn't even know it.The kids were fine. They had a great time and even learned quite a bit. My friend took them to a few museums and they couldn't stop talking about how cool they were; I never would've imagined an 8 year old and a 15 year old would be so keen to go to museums lol. They had a lot of fun and ate junk food and stayed up late, then their dad encouraged them to tell me all about it. They were SO nervous and mumbling and wouldn't look me in the eye and I felt so bad that I had nurtured this, had made them feel like they had to hide doing things that people do everyday, that wouldn't harm them. Some of it did make me panic but I know that's on me and I know it is now. I just want to protect them from everything and I know I can't.I know I'm cutting it close to being too late with my oldest but I don't think I'm there yet. I also talked to him one on one and apologized for sheltering him so much. I said it was time for me to trust his judgement and would be happy for him to bring friends over, and I'd try my best to stop going through his things.It's SO HARD. I don't think he's up to anything bad but he's so reserved and secretive. He won't tell me anything unless I act directly, specifically about it. I don't mean I want to ger him in trouble, I just want to know about his life and he won't let me in. But I suppose I've done that and it'll only heal with time. I decided to give him some responsibilities rather than doing everything for him, and he actually picked it up fine. He wanted to take turns doing dishes with my husband and I, and he says vacuuming once a week is fine.My 8 year old is no cakewalk either. I usually didn't let him go outside the yard to play without me but now my husband wants me to let him go to the park down the street with a couple neighborhood kids. I actually get panic attacks thinking about it. I really do think he's too young to go without an adult. I'm trying to give him some more independence too but I don't know where to find a balance.It's hard and stressful and mentally taxing but I'm trying. I cry a lot, but I'm trying. My 15 y/o is bringing a couple friends home to meet us after school tomorrow. I don't know what I'll do if they seem like people I don't want him around. I don't know what I'll do when he wants to go to the movies with them or to their houses when I'd haven't met their parents. I don't want to smother him it just stresses me out so bad. But I just thought I should say I know I was wrong and I'm trying to correct it.Edit: I forgot to add I've been thinking about homeschooling them because public school is always a mess and I don't feel the curriculum does them justice but I want to get my overprotective feelings in order first. via /r/Parenting http://ift.tt/2nOSonD
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