This might be long, but I'll try to keep it short and to the point. I'll start with a little background... TLDR at the bottomI had my son when I was 20, still living at home with my parents. His biological father is, to say the very least, a class a a-hole, he was in and out of jail the entire time I was with him, I was young and stupid, ended up pregnant, he hasn't seen him since he was about a year old.I have been with my now fiance (I'll call him F here) for about 4 years. My son and I moved after we knew it was a serious relationship, which was about 6 hours away from home. He was 6 when we moved, so he grew up for most of his 'developement' years in my parents house.My parents have a very different parenting style than I would have liked to have while we were living there. Everytime I would be in a situation where my son would need discipline, I would end up getting a 'come on, leave him alone'. So really during his first 6 years of life, he was never actually disciplined.We moved, everything seemed fine, he's a good kid, doesn't lie, does his school work, etc. sometimes needs a bit of guidance, but nothing major that I'd say. I had my daughter about 2 years after we moved, and just had another a few months ago. I don't think his behavior has anything to do with his sister's, he has never acted out toward them or anything like that, but I could be wrong.During his second year of school, his teacher was always telling us that he couldn't sit still, couldn't focus, never got his school work done, was distracting and distracted by other kids, etc. She told us in a round about way that she would recommend putting him on some meds, because she thinks it would help his ability to focus and stay on task, she has the same experience with her kids, and it helped them. That was a hard decision for me, but after weighing everything, we decided to do it, he was put on stratera (non-stimulant/non-narcotic). It didn't seem to help at all, and after that year, we stopped and tried other methods, nothing worked. This passed summer we started him on Adderall, it doesn't seem to help a ton, but I think the dosage is so small, that it doesn't do anything. His doc said he seems to have add/ADHD but she doesn't seem to think it's serious, despite all these things happening.Through all of this, he has been lying CONSTANTLY about basically everything...from brushing his teeth to who spilled ink on his new carpet. Even after he's caught in the lie, he doesn't give it up, he insists he brushed his teeth with his toothbrush, even though it was downstairs in his overnight bag.He also was peeing in his closet for months and we didn't know about it, we ended up having to replace the carpet. We have no idea why he was peeing in there, we could never get it out of him, he always said that he didn't want to wake anyone up and get in trouble by going to the bathroom, so he just did it in there. I don't know if that's the truth or not, I'm inclined to say no, but I have no idea.For the lying, we have tried various punishments, praise for only good behavior, ignoring the bad, making him do more chores, sitting in is room, taking away electronics, etc. Nothing seems to work. We even put him in karate (which he is still doing) in hopes it would teach him some lessons and ways to focus. He's failing 2 of his classes.Yesterday I got a call from the dean of the school. She said him and his friend thought it would be funny to knock over a rack that had water bottles on it. They had to stay after and clean it up, and today are having lunch with her today to watch a lunchtime ediquette video. I asked why he did it, he said his friend told him if he made him laugh, he'd buy him a water. He didn't think about cleaning it up because 'that's the lunch ladies job'When F found out about the dean calling, he was livid. This isn't the first time the school has called, he got in trouble for making sexual motions with his hands, snorting pretend cocaine, and dropping f bombs last year. Last night his punishment was running a mile with F and doing a bunch of push ups and sit ups, until F found out about the ink spill on his new carpet (that he lied about and said his friend did, which I know is a lie because he said it happened last weekend, I saw it in there a couple weeks ago), by which time F was so fed up, he just gave up, gave him a speech about not caring about what he does anymore, if he doesn't care, then F doesn't anymore either. If he's not going to put in the effort and try to help himself, then neither are we.He's turning into a bad kid. I dont think he WANTS to be a bad kid though. He just has no brain function to tell him if what he's doing is bad or good, he has no common sense whatsoever, he's very very easily influenced by others around him and he is a habitual liar. He has a doc appt today and I'm going to up the dosage on his medicine, but I don't think that will help him care, and I don't know how to make him care.Is this something we need to let run its course? Will the lying ever stop? Do we try to intervene and make him see? Do we not and let him get held back? Do I bring him on a little trip to a detention center? To the jail?TLDR: my son (11) is a habitual liar, failing 2 classes and is turning into a bad kid and I don't know how to help him or make it stop. via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2ZzCw7P
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