Wednesday 27 February 2019

Raising a child without organized religion when extended family is very religious


BackgroundHusband was raised *crazy* religious. Very deep Lutheran. Radical Christianity. His family is every bit as intense as they were when he was growing up.My family is religious, but in a more abstract way. They aren't outwardly devout, but believe very deeply. My sister and older brother are especially religious.Husband is no longer a believer in any capacity. Still suffers from some religious guilt, though.I am... not religious, but maybe spiritual? I don't put much stock (or any, really) into the Bible, but it doesn't seem beyond the realm of possibility that there is a God or a Heaven. I pray sometimes (to the universe, to god, to the idea of goodness-- it's not really specific) because I find it peaceful and reflective.We live in the Bible belt. The vast majority of people are religious and assume everyone else is, too.Daughter (almost 4) attends a Mother's Day Out program that has "chapel." This sort of day care was a necessity and is only available through churches in our area, which why she goes, despite us not being particularly religious.​My Questions/Concerns:​TL;DR: We live in a religious area with a religious family. We are no longer religious. I quite literally have never met an outspoken (or soft spoken) atheist/nonreligious individual that admitted to being so in real life. How do I (or how did you) deal with any friction this may have caused in your family? How can I (or how did you) help your children feel confident in your family's beliefs when they are so much the minority ?My in laws have spoken at length about how their biggest fear is one of their children no longer believing in God. "Worse than them getting sick, worse than them dying..." Has been said by my mother in law, many, many times. So, naturally, they're not going to take kindly to the idea that their son in now an atheist and their grandchild is being raised sans religion. I wouldn't necessarily care, accept that my husband has siblings that are minors. It would kill him to be cut off from them.At the same time, my in-laws use religion to justify sexism and homophobia. I have to keep a very distinct line around my child because they believe things I consider to be dangerous and unacceptable. Their religion is slowly starting to creep into their relationship with my kid. The few times it's happened, I've been able to intercept and redirect, but a conversation is going to eventually have to happen about what they can and cannot say in front of her.My child is just now starting to question the idea of God and Jesus. I have avoided saying outright that "We don't believe that," because my nieces and nephews are being raised very religious and my daughter is incredibly close to all of them. I don't want to create discourse in our family by having my child tell them they're wrong, or by them telling my child she's going to Hell. This hasn't really been an issue thus far because they're still little and my daughter doesn't care that much. But the older she gets the more questions she'll ask.I don't want her to think we have anything to hide, but at the same time, I don't want her to be discouraged from following her own path, or for her to think that the rest of our family are just idiots who believe in nothing.I don't know. Maybe this is a silly question with obvious answers, but even just the catharsis of typing it was helpful.​​ via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2tDtE3m

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