I know the title sounds bad but I really am at the end of my rope with it all. I am a single mum of 2 sons aged 12 and 10. Their dad is barely in their lives (his choice) and he left when the boys were 7 and 5, I get 3-5 nights (spread out max of 2 at a time) a year without them. We are in the UK if that makes any difference.My elder son is easily the most selfish person I have ever met in my life and I have no idea what to do about it anymore.Some examples:I will tell him not to eat something because I am using it for dinner and he will steal it and eat it anywaysHe will take money out of my purse because he wants thingsHe will walk into the room during his brothers screen time and take the remote and change it to what he wants to watchI need him to pick up his brother 2 days a week as I cant get home for pick up time and putting him in childcare for 15 minutes twice a week will costs me almost 1 days wages - he has been late every single time because he wanted to have fun with his friends or do something else on his way home from school so the school is now saying 1 more late and they will insist in me putting the younger one in childcare unless I can pick him up on time which I cantHe will try to bribe his brother to do his chores with trading screen time or money or sweets or whateverHe will eat whatever he wants whenever he wants - I buy certain things for the younger ones lunchbox (he has school dinners) and he will just eat any of those things firstWhat he wants to do comes before anything we need to do - If I need to go shopping he will just refuse to come because he doesn't want to and he will just sit there and refuse to moveIf he wants his friends to come over he will just bring them home with himAll 3 of us need to leave the house at the same time in the morning - if he wants a shower in the morning he will lock the bathroom door (we only have 1 bathroom) and have a long shower, he will get out with about 20 minutes to spare before we all need to leave.If I allow him out to play he will come back whenever he wants and will not stick to any curfews or time limitsHe has broken a door to get into the kitchen when I put a lock on itI was sitting for a friends daughter (9 months old) my sister had brought over sweets for both of mine and her daughter. Her daughter had different sweets to the boys so they didn't get stuck in her teeth and he just took them from her as he liked those ones betterHe encourages his brother to steal from me and then when he does he will make a massive song and dance about itI know this all sounds terrible but I know there is a sweet loving kid in there somewhere but he is just so selfish all of the time. I have tried pretty much everything with him. He has been like this since he was 10 but its just getting more and more with each passing day. At school they all love him, he is helpful and responsible and charming and intelligent, this is the same with everyone else other than at home with me. All the other mums comment about how their wish their children were as well behaved as mine and yet I am terrified about what is going to happen when we get home that evening.He plays sports, he is in STEM and debate clubs. We self referred to a counselor and family therapy but as he isn't a severe case so we only get an hour of each every 3 months, which I am sure you can imagine is less than useless. I have tried punishments, positive reinforcements, loss of privileges, and he does not care at all because he already got what he wanted by the time he gets to being punished. If I ground him he just doesn't come home from school until he wants to. He isn't bothered by loss of screen time. He isn't bothered by not having dessert. Writing lines or essays explaining what he did was wrong don't take him much time. Everything I try with him just rolls off his back and he gets worse. I have put locks and alarms on the kitchen door and he has broken down a door and has ripped an alarm off of the wall. I have taken the lock off of the bathroom, turned off the hot water and he still wont leave until he is ready too. I am quite little at 5'2 and he is already taller and heavier than me so physically trying to make him do something just isn't on the cards.His brother is starting to follow his example now. Being on a tight budget I can't afford to keep replacing food, my job wont allow me to drop my hours so that I could pick the children up from their schools, I can't afford the childcare, i can't afford to work less hours.Whenever I talk to him about it he cries and says sorry and says that he doesn't know why he does it and he doesn't want to make me upset and doesn't want to be like this. The last time we had this conversation he walked straight out of the room and into the kitchen and took some of his brothers packed lunch stuff even though I had reminded him that dinner was 10 minutes away and to not eat anything (he said he was going to get a glass of water)I just have absolutely no idea where to go from here or what to do. There is no male role model in his life, I work so hard to try and show my boys that hard work does pay off but we are still living month to month but I make sure they do not miss out on anything. I feel like I spend so much time trying to deal with the big one that the little one is seriously missing out on time with me.I just don't know what to do anymore. via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2EhcRrH
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