I get pretty irritated about this when my ex and I talk about my daughter. The last thing I will use as an example.So we each get her one week on, one week off. So 50/50. It's been that way since we were together. We split up a little over a year ago and our daughter is 19 months.She has been messaging me since the beginning every time she does something new saying "oh I taught her how to do (insert new thing she does here).". It's been honestly every single thing she's ever done new because I don't really feel like participating in some contest trying to beat her to it every time saying that I taught her something. But I know that a few things she has said, that I have most certainly taught her. But I never say anything, it's not worth it with her. If I told her that I did teach her something, her response would be "oh well lol I've already been doing that with her for a couple months but good job keeping up with her learning lol". And if I say "no, actually I taught her that, not you." Well it's just really not worth it to 'go there'.So today I did. I tried to be nice saying look, she's 19 months old. I've taught her some of the things she does and I know that I did because I've been trying for a year or more and I don't want you to think that you're teaching her everything and I'm teaching her nothing because every thing that she even does yet, you have said that you taught her"(I didn't tell her this but she's definitely telling every single person she knows this and probably posting it all over Facebook too, but I don't know because I made a different Facebook so I didn't have to be her friend and see her aggressive or passive aggressive posts and memes or whatever. I don't really use Facebook these days anyways.The way she deals with this is the same way she deals with every conversation she's having when she's being manipulative/passive aggressive. She says something along the lines of "oh I know you try to teach her things and work with her lol(says "lol") I mean but when we were together you didn't take care of her as much as I did(insults/justifies) so I'm sorry("apologigizes") maybe I should have more faith in you(throws the person some bait to make up for the insult) these days."I tell her that I'm sorry but I really shouldn't have said anything and I don't want to really talk about this because we both know the spiral it's going to go into.So naturally, "lol why are you being short about it, I'm just saying that of course we can both take credit(mentions my point to make it sound like she "understands") , but these things that we are talking about(I did name a couple examples of things I've had a habit of doing with her since she was a baby so I know that she picked up on it from me... But should I even care? This is where I need your guy's advice) , I did them for a very long time before you ever mentioned them to me(reiterates her point that she has taught her everything. And her proof is I haven't mentioned what I've taught her. But I haven't mentioned it because it is a game to my ex. I went over how this goes down in the first paragraph) so I know I showed her but you don't have to get defensive we don't have to talk about it if you don't want to(she's considering it.. but only if I really really want to not 'communicate' and 'coparent')Anyways. How do I deal with a person like this? I tried to break it down the best I can but this is not the only situation where she does this. This is essentially the epitome of who she is and how she works. She has this pattern of trying to turn people against me (very often people who just know me better and know that she's not worth taking seriously.) where she mentions what I do wrong(it's my fault). That it's both of our fault(now it's both of our fault). But it's actually more my fault because she does everything and I do nothing(no actually it's all his fault and not my fault). But she has to give me credit because I do sometimes do things(you know just to make my point more convincing I have to say that he does SOME things. Saying he does nothing isn't convincable). Anyways she's sorry for talking about it, she just needed to vent. She doesn't understand why she even should care because things won't change.Whatever you all get the picture. She is a gaslighter. She is a manipulator. She is an alcoholic. She is a serial cheater(and I don't say that lightly. She's had 5 guys break up with her in the year we've been broken up and I don't even want to know how many guys she's been intimate with because all boyfriend's have been lost from cheating where she cheated on me 5-15 times. But that's a whole other story I don't want to go into this it's not what the thread is about, but just to give you an idea of the type of character I am dealing with here.).There has to be people who have advice on being the father of a child who's mother(or vise versa) is an extremely manipulative gaslighter. Please tell me how you've dealt with it. Especially if your child is older now. I get so frustrated over this. Not to mention how she will inevitably use this same tactic on my daughter her whole life to try and have her favor her instead of me. She really is the kind of person who's going to do this and I'm just so concerned with what to do. I feel so bad for my daughter.I'm trying to get custody and it's up in the air. It's tough. So I have no idea what's going to end up happening with that until she gets another DUI or something. via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2SwA0eM
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