My son told me he didn't love me anymore, and it was great.

A couple of days ago, we instituted a couple of new rules at home, and my son kept violating them and getting placed in timeout after 1-2-3 count warnings.[1] After the third or so timeout, he collapsed to the floor crying, and I picked him up and cuddled with him, comforting him, telling him I still loved him, but he couldn't (do the thing that violates the rule) anymore.He told me he didn't love me anymore. I told him that's OK; I still loved him. He told me I didn't love him; I told him I still did. He wasn't struggling or anything; he was just talking while crying, sitting on my lap, but keeping his distance from my cuddle attempts.And then he said something more important: "scary." He was telling me that he was scared of the situation. And, yeah, I get that; new rule, new boundary, he's not going to have a solid grasp on the boundary yet. Maybe he's scared of the consequence, maybe he's scared of not understanding when the consequence would hit, dunno.I told him I was sorry for being scary, but that I still loved him[2], and then I cuddled him again. He let me. And he's been reasonably good about following the rule since. (He still forgets sometimes, and I'll say, "No (the thing that violates the rule)." He'll immediately do one of the alternatives that we provided, and proudly declare the alternative he'd chosen.[3]What I'm geeked about, though, is that he's comfortable talking to me even in circumstances like that. Something similar happened today, even; He did something that landed him in timeout, after which he wanted to explain why he did what he did, I explained why he shouldn't, and that satisfied him.My kid's three years old, and yet he's comfortable and willing to be open with me immediately after consequences. That's awesome.[1] Timeouts in our home are pretty simple: Laid across parent's lap, face down, rear end up, and held there for as many minutes as they are years old (2yo gets 120 seconds, 3yo gets 180 seconds, etc., ), counted out loud by the parent. No hitting involved, no spanking, predictable duration, my son can count pretty well now, and it consumes as much of the parent's time as the kid's, so it encourages us to choose our battles.[2] Point at my eye("I"), draw a heart over my chest("love") and then point at his chest("you"). Something my grandfather used to do for me that I remember fondly. There's a lot about my grandfather I wish I could be more of.[3] The rule in question is: "No jumping or climbing on the couch/chair," and the alternatives are "jump on the floor", "jump on the trampoline" or "sit on the couch/chair." While at home, we mostly permitted the climbing and jumping for motor skills development, balance, risk analysis--and because of the communicative limitations of earlier ages and lack of suitable readily-available alternative outlets for that energy. It's been working out great, and he's never done it outside our home. via /r/Parenting http://ift.tt/2fpCltf