Am I wrong to deny her access? (Warning: long)

So, I'm not entirely sure if this goes here but I figured this would be the most appropriate subreddit. Forgive me in advance, I'm on mobile and have no idea how to format. Also, this is really really long.To make a super long and revealing back story short and unrevealing: I have a toddler, her father and I broke up long before I found out I was pregnant and we stayed apart because it was better for us. Because of several things, one of which includes a near-fatal accident that left him with 24 hour nurse care, he is technically not a father to our child, he's not even on the birth certificate.This story is about his mother, our child's grandmother. I don't like her. I used to, but not anymore. While I was pregnant, she told me to my face, in my home, in no uncertain terms that she wanted nothing to do with my child. At the time, I understood that she was standing by her son (who was anxious about it, but he ended up changing his mind before our child was born and was a very dedicated and loving father right up until his accident) but looking back, even that should have been a huge red flag to me. Since his accident, I felt it was only fair to bring our child to see him every so often while he was in the hospital (his doctors encouraged me, as it was the one thing they could count on him responding to) and I continued it after he came home as once a week visits, every week.Things were fine, for the most part. There were a few things that threw me off with his mom. Her wanting revenge for her son being one of them. And I say revenge instead of justice because she admitted to wanting to screw over the person who caused the accident as much as possible, above and beyond what would be normal. She takes joy our of trying to ruin this other persons life and always uses the excuse of "well my son's life is ruined so why shouldn't his?" And at first I brushed it off because shes hurting and I understand the sentiment underneath. I do. But she's been getting more and more.... intense about it as time goes on, and it makes me uncomfortable.Most recently however. The reason I started to REALLY dislike her, is that she called me an irresponsible parent with no communication skills (she was the one who did not call me to say she was bringing my child home right then and there when I wasn't home, and she knew I wasn't going to be home because I told her I was going out) and then, in the same breath(!!!!), DEMANDED that she see my child that weekend. I agreed, mostly to end the conversation because hell no. I was not going to stand around while she insulted me. The day I dropped off my child with her, when I came to pick her up I attempted to talk to her and explain what I was upset about and we had a reasonable conversation so that whatever happened wouldn't again. It was fine, I thought I was going to leave and everything would be fixed. But, nope. Right as I was about to pull out, she tells me I'm obligated to go to this benefit dinner.Usually, sure, I go to all the benefit dinners. But no. Not this time. I'm not OBLIGATED to do fuckall for her, not after our last conversation. So I didn't go, legitimately I had to work so I couldn't anyways. I didn't tell her I wasn't going to go, and I understand that that was wrong of me, but I knew if I had told her why then she would have wanted to take the baby herself but I did not like the idea of her having my child there basically unsupervised. (Every benefit we've been to. She's being a good hostess while I'm watching my kid. And again, I understand, it's my kid so of course I should be watching her, but I have no guarantee that this lady would if I wasn't around.) So I didn't tell her.So now instead of every week, I made it clear to his mom that my child will only be seen by their family every two weeks, because I honestly don't want to bring her around as often anymore but I'm not gonna deny my ex-bf from seeing his child. And even then, while trying to be civil, his mother makes a huge deal of things.Take this weekend for example (and also the reason I was spurred to write this post). Usually, if for whatever reason, I can't make our usual (bi)weekly Saturday visit, I tell them beforehand. This week, I didn't even find out that I was going to make it until the morning before. So I told them, the second I knew, I told her and I also told her that since the event we were going to miss the visit for was towards the middle of the day, that I would be more than happy to bring my child over much earlier than usual so they could have a good 4-5 hours before my child and I needed to leave.This did not fly. I didnt get a response from her for TWELVE hours. And when she finally did respond, completely disregarded my offer and wrote "So...we're see her Sunday?" No. No you will not. Usually. Sure whatever, I have no problem with switching days around so that they won't miss a weekend, but my parents are divorced and it's my dad's day to spend with my child, so no. I'm not going to take his day away from him in favor of their family, and I told her as much. She then goes on to tell me that she's "trying to work things out with (me) but apparently (I) don't want that to happen". Bitch, what? I offered you what I thought was a reasonable solution but apparently that wasn't good enough for her. Again I told her as much but at that point she stopped responding.The morning after, instead of responding to me, she gets her daughter, my child's aunt, to text me. This aunt's text asks if there was any possible way they could see my child Sunday because (and these are exact words) "Had plans for today but you seem to have forgotten (child's) fathers family is a priority".Hold the actual hell up. No. HELL NO. I got pissed then, and responded with how I have my priorities straight and reiterated that it was my dad's turn to have my child, that I had offered her mother a reasonable solution that she disregarded, and that it was unfair of her (the mother) to get her (the aunt) to do her dirty work for her. At that point I switched back over to talking to the mother and expressed my concerns that she would try to pit her daughter against me.My whole conversation with her at the point was basically me saying that I felt disrespected as a person and a mother and that I was no longer comfortable leaving my child with them because they had offended me (as well as taken offense when I had tried to be as diplomatic as possible). That I did not appreciate them accusing me of saying things that I didn't. She then immediately accused me of trying to threaten her and tried to guilt me by asking if I was really going to deny her son the right to see his child.I told her very clearly that no. I was not threatening her. That her son technically has no rights, as he isn't on the birth certificate, and our state does not recognize fathers unless they are married to the mother at the time of birth, but that I would never deny him access to our child but that I could and WILL deny her and the aunt. I asked her if she reasonably expected me to feel comfortable handing over my child to someone who insulted and disregarded what I said, and to someone who continued to do so as well as continue to be passive aggressive towards me.It's been 24 hours and she has yet to respond. So. Basically. Am I in the wrong here? I know that there was a lot I could have done better to avoid the huge blowout that just happened, but I was getting sick of it. Am I wrong to deny her family access to my child? I mean technically. I only want to deny her (and her flying monkey daughter), but that requires denying the rest of them too. via /r/Parenting http://ift.tt/2fFzg6W