Goodness, I hate drama. But sometimes it just seems to come to your doorstep, no matter how much you try and avoid it.A few weeks ago I wrote a post about my son and his wife. Long story short - they had their twin boys when they were 16. They are both 24 now. My DIL's parents disowned her over it. They are from a very religious and conservative background and they said she had brought great shame on the family. Plus, my son is black and their daughter is white, and they weren't too keen on the interracial aspect.My husband and I took our daughter in law in and she lived with us through the pregnancy and the first few years of our beautiful grandsons' lives. It wasn't easy at all, but we made it work. I developed a close bond with my DIL during those years. I do consider her as a daughter. I was with her through the early steps of motherhood and we became close.She's an amazing mother and person. She has the strength of 100 lions to go through what she did, and to come out stronger and better. So does my son. They are both independent now - got married last year and are a happy little family. My husband and I couldn't be prouder of both of them.Through the pregnancy, toddler years and till now, my DIL's parents were absent. Not even a hello. Until recently. My DIL's mother has been trying to get in touch with her daughter, and the latter just hasn't been responding. Wants nothing to do with her mother. Then the mother tried to get to her daughter through me. Sent me a message on Facebook.Initially, I didn't know how to respond, hence why I made the first post on this wonderful subreddit. I got a ton of good advice. In the end I decided it was best for me not to respond to the woman. But to instead sit down with my son and DIL tell them what had happened. Initially, my DIL was angry that her mother circumvented her and tried to go through the back door by getting in touch with me.She told me she didn't want her mother in her life in unequivocal terms. She said that yes, while part of the reluctance stems from anger and hurt from what happened, the bigger issue is that she just doesn't trust her mother around her mixed race twins, or my son. She said she knows what her father and mother could be like when it came to non-white people.She also added that there are some grandparents who are racist but make exceptions towards their biracial family. They still harbor their prejudices, but because the biracial person is blood, they will make an exception. And that's what she sees in her mother. She said she won't put her family through that.My son also added that growing up, a good friend of his was mixed and he experienced the exact situation his wife is afraid of. But it was the reverse with him - his black grandparents just didn't like white people and they would often spout racist crap around him. And it left him with a bunch of issues regarding himself and his background.My DIL ended up finally responding to her mother, telling her of her decision.I received the backlash from the scorned mother. I got a long FB message saying I had "poisoned" her daughter against her, and that I was trying to steal her away from her and "claim her as mine." I consider myself a calm, composed person most of the time. But reading that BS message really enraged me.When I read those accusations, and I thought of how heartbroken my DIL was when her parents kicked her pregnant self out, the sleepless nights with the twins, money problems, full capacity house, teaching my son and DIL how to take care of babies, etc . . . seriously (excuse my language) fuck that woman.To have the audacity to write what she did to me after what she and her husband did to their child . . . fuck her. She can go to hell. What an incredible lack of self awareness, what narcissism. I was tempted to write a harsh message in kind, expressing everything. But I thought better of it.But now I'm in the same boat as I was before - do I tell my DIL? I actually haven't told anyone about the message. Not even my husband (he is abroad for work right now). It has been eating away at me. Sometimes when I'm at work I think about what that bitch wrote (I'm sorry for cursing - my parents raised me not to do it and I always usually adhere to it, but I am just so angry over what I read) and I just seethe.I really appreciated the advice from this subreddit last time. How do I proceed now? I'm honestly inclined to not tell my son and DIL about the message. I just feel like it is just going to stress my DIL out more and she doesn't need that. I just feel like perpetuating this drama isn't helpful to anyone. Perhaps if I don't say anything and I don't respond to my DIL's grave, it will die in its grave? via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2T3IZYF
No comments:
Post a Comment