This is long but cathartic so I am sorry I’m advance. TL;DR at the bottom.I have an older child from a previous marriage (5M) that my husband met when DS was around 2-2.5yo. It was a little difficult to transition for my husband because he’d never been around kids but he and DS are now two peas in a pod and best buddies.When we were talking about marriage, life planning, etc, etc planned to have two additional children. He was thrilled when we got pregnant first try, and loved my pregnant body and feeling little baby kicks during the last few weeks of pregnancy. We just recently had our baby unexpectedly this past Sunday (we had a planned induction for today). Aside from a brief scare with him being blue at birth and having the cord wrapped, birth was quick, easy, and relatively painless. He was gone overseas for 85% of my pregnancy, with the intention and goal of being home on leave for 8 weeks postpartum, minus 2 weeks of training, and for the 2 weeks prior to delivery.My water broke at 3:45pm at 38+4, my husband dropped me off at the hospital around 5:20pm, stayed with me while the staff got me admitted, and then left again to go help a friend with a flat tire around 7pm. He returned as they were placing my epidural at 8:45pm and stayed through delivery at 11:27pm. He left an hour after delivery to continue helping friend with flat tire and did not return until around 3:30am, where I had already been transferred to recovery with a brand new baby and was unable to walk unassisted or do anything really. He was exhausted and wanted to shower and crash on the recliner, which was fine by me and we both proceeded to sleep as much as we could, with the nurses coming in to check both baby and my vitals post delivery.Because of our originally planned induction, my husband had scheduled to close on a business deal on Tuesday afternoon, with appointments throughout Monday to handle final proceedings to sign papers on Tuesday. I knew this and had accepted it ahead of time. He left around 10am Monday morning. He picked up and brought our older child (who was at bio dads house) by for a visit with his new brother for about 2 hrs on Monday night from 6:30pm- 8:30pm. He complained of exhaustion so I suggested he go home to sleep since baby and I were doing well but made it clear that I wanted him present all day Tuesday (outside of the 1hr to close the deal and sign papers) as we were getting discharged from hospital.Instead he came at 12:45pm (closing was at 2pm...) and I got 45min of being snipped at to hurry up and get packed up to get in the car because he had to get to closing and didn’t want to make two trips to the hospital. I was crushed and sobbed the entire time and I tried to pack my aching body into clothes and shoes and wrap my newborn up to keep him warm in the car seat. He knew he was being a dick and tried to make small talk the whole way to the lawyers office despite me still crying and stating that I didn’t want to talk and was upset about how things were handled. That we had just had a baby and we weren’t being treated with the care and priority we deserved. That if it was so important, couldn’t he have just explained the situation and ask to delay by 1-2 hrs? To which he said, “No - otherwise we would lose the deal.”But come to find out, he never even said anything or asked for anything in terms of a delay. The other party was shocked when he showed up with us To the office - me, still swollen and wearing hospital bracelets, and with this 36 hrs old newborn. Baby and I waited in the car for 45 min for the signing to be complete (ended around 2:45pm). Then he had a check he wanted to deposit at the bank - at that point I threatened to call an Uber if he didn’t take me home and he got the message. Keep in mind, I’ve been crying since he told me to get my stuff together at hospital at 12:45 and hadn’t stopped. I’m in pain, behind on my meds, and still wearing a super sexy hospital diaper.Total, he spent 15hrs:15min with me/the baby during the 48 hrs I was in the hospital.That aside, I figured it was something we could work through once home, except he has actively avoided both myself and the baby since then, with some exceptions. He was involved last night during the cluster feeding from 12am to 4am, has brought me meds, and some breakfast this morning, but has avoided me and the baby otherwise.I pretty much had to throw a fit to get him to sit down and explain to me what was going on.... turns out he no longer wants additional children and views this new baby as a burden because our lives now have to revolve around him - that he can no longer just pick up and go somewhere if he needs to or wants to. That he hates himself for having these feelings and knows it’s selfish but that it’s how he feels. He is not interested in speaking to a counselor or anyone who is also a father to learn coping techniques or to discuss his fears/new fatherhood. He has anxiety about our new baby’s reflux but is unwilling to learn how to best mitigate reflux (ie elevation, side laying, etc) without second guessing me at every turn, despite having successfully raised one baby with reflux on my own previously (DS).My biggest fear was that he would love this new baby, who is his blood, more than my son from a previous marriage but the opposite has occurred. He wants nothing to do with our newborn or the newborn stage and apologized for feeling that way but it’s just how it is for him.To say I am devastated would be the understatement of the year. I feel like I now have to do everything on my own and am spiraling emotionally. That now I need to keep this new baby out of his way and keep him quiet and extra loved because my husband doesn’t seem to want to anything to do with him. I have a history of postpartum depression (coincidentally my ex also wanted nothing to do with a child he helped create) and I was doing beautifully until he dropped this bomb in my lap. I don’t know what to do or here to turn. He doesn’t want me to talk to any of my friends about this because he’s worried about how it will make him look so I made an anonymous fucking reddit account to just get all of this off my chest.I am spiraling and want to scream at him and kick him out of my life and throw away the key. I warned him of my anxiety all pregnancy that he would wake up after our baby was born and not want to be a dad, just like my ex did and he promised me he wouldn’t and yet here I am.The thing that sucks, is that he is such an amazing partner otherwise and the best father to my older child. I feel completely betrayed and blindsided and like I am going to be doing this all on my own going forward.Advice, please. I am trying to be empathetic towards him because I recognize what a big change having a baby is but I just feel devastated and betrayed.PS. he knows I haven’t slept longer than a 2 hr stretch in days and has just told me he’s going to bed (despite having napped 4hrs today while I cleaned up the house that he let fall behind while I was in hospital), and having slept most of the night while I was up feeding. So I now have a kid to bathe and do homework with, coupled with a brand new baby to juggle diapers and nursing/pumping. I am ready to pack up and leave to a hotel.TL;DR - husband excitedly planned getting pregnant and having a baby with me. Loved feeling kicks during late pregnancy. New baby is here and husband wants nothing to do with me or baby. via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/3cm22VI
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