Father of four, oldest is 16. She's very petite. A few weeks ago she was telling me that she was interviewing for a leadership position at school. She planned to tell the teacher that her chief competitor wasn't fit, as he "did things to girls, even me."My heart dropped.What?!I learned on a bus trip for the team, he moved to her seat one evening, and cuddled up to her. She asked him to stop, but he drew closer, put arms around her, and after further protests, forced himself on her, kissing her. It took a few friends to pull him off.This happened a MONTH before she told me (her mom didn't know yet either).She was concerned about telling the teacher, as she didn't want to cause drama. What!?We had a long talk about consent, victimization, and power. The aggressor had done similar things to other girls.I encouraged her to not tell the team teacher (a male) in the leadership interview, but instead to find a female teacher she trusted, and start there. If she had been assaulted, that was a separate issue than leadership.I wanted so much to swoop in and lead the charge against this boy. But I also knew this was a moment for my daughter to find her own self power. So, I encouraged action, advised about the blowback and consequences (NOT her fault, but HIS).She talked to the teacher. Who told the counselor. A string of girls came forward with their own stories, one apparently had been all but raped by him (clothes on, but inappropriate touching of the most intimate parts).The school called my wife (good) and suspended the boy for 10 days. A light punishment, but a clear signal that behavior is not acceptable. No one wants to destroy his life. He's young too. Doesn't excuse anything, but hopefully he learned that he cannot victimize women and see no consequence. It's complicated, isn't it?Tomorrow he returns to school, and the social anxiety begins. I hate my daughter has had to experience this, but I am proud that she decided to act, and she has seen that she has advocates and allies beyond mom and dad. The world, by and large, doesn't tolerate this behavior any more.I hope I have done well here. So hard to balance being an overprotective dad with being a supporter who empowers her to act with her own agency. I could make a scene and probably have him arrested - and make her social life even harder.... or let her moderate her own path forward in a measured way, minimizing social blowback.She is a smart smart young woman (number 1 in the class),she has a black belt, and leads well in all she does. I am sure she feels supported by me (and my wife). But geeze.... what do you do?It's been an interesting journey for me. I've had to get comfortable with the phrase sexual assault. There was a time that felt too strong to describe forced kissing. But I'm better with that now. This was well beyond harassment. He violated her body, her agency. Imagine your first kiss being that?No advice sought. Just here to tell the story and get it off my chest. It's been hard for the three weeks I've known about it. I fear tomorrow will start a whole new thing, facing the aggressor again. I hope I can be the dad she needs me to be, every day, through this. She is my heart, removed from my own body and walking about in hers.TLDR: 16yo daughter forcibly kissed on school trip. She downplayed it, but I encouraged action. She spoke up to a teacher, boy suspended. He returns tomorrow. Queue unknown drama coming soon. Loving dad doing his best to be what she needs through it all. via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/39bBkgo
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