My anxiety is killing me

So a little background, my town offers free playgroups for kids under 6. These programs are a way for moms to meet one another, for kids to make friends, and for moms to learn about resources in the community.Anyways, a few weeks ago we were at a program; I was there by myself with my 20 month old and 5 month old. We were going to a music program that took place in a classroom off the side of the pool. So we get into the pool area, my 5 month old is in her stroller and I can’t take it into the classroom because of limited space so I put my son down and deal with her (she is also really fussy at this time) and as I’m dealing with her my son runs into the kiddie pool where the water is up to his knees, sits down for a sec, then runs out before I have a second to put my 5 month old down and do anything. At this point a bunch of moms are watching me and I feel so ashamed and like I am the worst mom on the night planet. The program director has my son and I just started crying and walk out the door and start breastfeeding my daughter.After I had a minute to calm down I came back in and talked to the director. She asked me to meet with her at a later date because she could see I was overwhelmed and needed help.Now since then i have been getting better with managing having my kids together but there have still been a few times my son has gotten away from me but I always go after him and make sure he’s safe.Now if that wasn’t bad enough, living in a small town rumours start flying. Well I found out last week that apparently I let my son drown and that there is a CPS investigation against me! For the record, my son has never drowned. In regards to the CPS thing I was curious about that so I called and talked to a case worker and apparently someone reported that I let my son choke on food and run into traffic. I told the caseworker that these were not true and I have several people, including a few people I see on a weekly basis in regards to my son and managing his behaviour, who can vouch for me that my child is not in danger and well taken care of. The caseworker said my case is still in the intake process but she doesn’t believe it will go any further into a full investigation.Here’s where my anxiety comes in, the stuff reported about him running away and the (untrue) rumours of him drowning were only things someone who goes to playgroup would know about. So now I worry that any time I go to playgroup everyone is judging me and waiting for me to make even the slightest mistake. I want to have my kids be social and around other kids but I get extreme anxiety going out and being around these other moms now because I feel like they hate me and want to see me fail. I just want to make friends and have my kids make friends too but I feel like a total social pariah… it’s giving me high school flashbacks.Anyways, thanks for listening. via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2V4Xd9Y