Daughter abducted and raped and the devastation is overwhelming- feeling like I have lost hope

My daughter who was 18 at the time was abducted and raped a year ago. It was a stranger and they have not caught the rapist. My family was literally broken, my daughter was broken. However as her mum I didn’t break at the time. At the time I had to be the glue that held my family together and I tried to fix all I could. I managed to actually support her and the rest of my family and we got back some normality. She is doing ok although still suffers some ptsd symptoms. My family seem ok. My daughter has gone to university and I know she is finding it harder than she should have but she is doing ok. I feel I am not doing so ok, in fact I feel absolutely broken, it happened quite suddenly, I feel so low and depressed and detached from most things, no motivation, I don’t want to be with anyone. People think that we are all over it.... I am not, I haven’t even begun to be. I find myself so so sad sometimes, most the time. I didn’t bring my child into this world to be hurt, I feel useless that I haven’t protected her and that I can’t make the pain go away. I feel angry that he is still out there somewhere and we never know when or if he may be caught - luckily they have his dna but that is the only lead. I don’t feel very well, like I feel so low, I know I am not ok as I keep having suicidal thoughts. I know this is not good. I feel I have no one to talk to, my friends must be fed up of hearing about it and my family need me to support them. I had counselling but it has ended. I feel completely alone and wonder if I am making myself feel like this, it feels like I constantly think about what happened. I have become on edge, jumpy, scared at times that something will happen, To her, to me. When will life get back to normal, when will I have a day when I don’t think about this ? It’s like a nightmare and I can’t get out of it. I need to hear that all will be ok, that I can get through this, that we can get through this. I would love someone just to look after me for a bit x via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2OWCYfC