Visitation Hangover

As a result of nearly a decade of fighting with my ex-wife in family court, I finally earned the most visitation priveleges available to me in my time since seperation and eventual divorce. I'm limited to alternate weekends, two weeks in the summer and an additional day here and there if there's a long (additonal day off) on my visitation weekend. This means that overall I have about 65 days a year to see them by order (not by right. Family court laws don't see your visitations as a right.) As a result of these unfair orders that took nearly ten years to obtain, it ultimately results in what I call visitation hangover.With each visitation, especially those that are extended even just one day, that feeling of wanting and needing them with you and the resultant withdrawal makes you want so much more, need so much more. I want to reach out and call them every day, instead of every 4 days (they're request because it's difficult as hell to figure out what to talk about any time, especially when they're not in school.) It's so hard to believe how fast you grow accustomed to having with you. It's utterly maddening to me and I still can't wrap my head around it almost 11 years later.My daughters (15, 12) were here for the past 9 days. It was even more difficult to do things/plan things as the older of my older daughter was really sick for 6 days of it,including on her birthday, my chronic neurological problems and being forced to move the entire week. I tried to make the most of it. Despite the limitations, the simple fact that they were here was amazing to me. While they love to be here with me, it's an understandable but depressing feeling to know that they grow homesick quickly. They're with their mom, sisters, and fraternal step-sister/brother and step-dad 98% of the time. It's just plain logic. Even if they're just as bored there as they are here.That being said, it's never, ever, ever going to be acceptable or enough. It's nothing you should ever have to get use to, though you do adjust somewhat. It's not fair or right, but much of the time you can (at least) say that parting your seperate ways with their other parent was a much better decision for them on most levels.If you make the decision to split with your partner, make a pledge to co-parent. Children are not leverage nor should they ever be used as a weapon against the other parent. Family Court laws (which are vastly skewed against dads in both the US and the UK I know for sure and is a fact, not a feeling) will never protect equal and fair priveleges for both parents. This is something that you have to do for your children. They're the ones that suffer most when you don't do this. They flourish with both parents involved, no matter at what point in the game it finally happens. It's a brutal and miserable battle if you need to go over it over and over and over. Get over your differences and pust them first! The children see this and it abuses the daylights out of them mentally and emotionally. Don't punish them because they didn't ask for any of it. It's the best you can do for everyone involved. You'll almost always end up with a visitation hangover when you don't have primary placement, but at least you know you're doing the most you can to make sure that they are taken care of. via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2NZloD2