I Hate Being A Mom

Or do I? I never can decide.Short story. 3 kids (11, 8, & 5). Husband has extremely demanding job so he is rarely home and can't help (he would if he was home; he's amazing). I stay at home because me going to work would add more chaos than I think I could handle (due to anxiety). Plus, then my husband and I would be living parallel lives, rarely seeing each other, which neither of us want.But, I really hate being around kids. Their voices (even happy ones) make my heart race and my body shake with anxiety, not anger. Maybe I actually hate the fear of failure I always feel around them. Because of these feelings of inadequacy I can't relax around them. I am always feeling like I should be reading with them, having them do chores, sending them outside to play, putting them to bed on time, etc. or they're going to become lazy and stupid adults. I feel like I need to answer all of their questions, be happy, smile at them, pretend that I actually like being around them.I do lots to "take care of" myself. I've been to counseling. I'm on medicine. I exercise. Eat incredibly healthy. I'm really pretty spoiled, and yet I can't be content as a stay at home parent. I love my kids but the roller coaster of parenting is so hard on me. I have no zest for life lately - just living the day in and day out monotony. On the outside I'm sure people see a lucky, happy, genuine and great person - but I just don't feel that way most days. Which makes me feel even worse. I'm going to go have a glass of wine now so that I'm not a short-tempered bitch during the bedtime routine. via /r/Parenting http://ift.tt/2sXh0MZ