I'm a mother to three children: a 12-year old boy, and girls who are 3 and 5. My boy is an AMAZING kid - sweet, charming, and so cute you can hardly bear it. He lights up any room he's in and he's such a wonderful, playful, loving older brother to his little sisters. However, he's always been a more "sensitive" boy. He's bright and intelligent, but he's always seemed really vulnerable, especially because he's soft-spoken, skinny, and honestly slightly more "girly" or "effeminate" in his mannerisms (not that this is a bad thing). He likes to keep his hair/bangs slightly longer than most boys and he chooses tighter clothes / skinny jeans and more "artsy" things to wear. He's interested in things not a lot of boys his age are - drawing, writing, finding obscure music online. He's also really pale and has sort of a scrawny, fragile appearance. I've always encouraged him to be who he is even if he's a little different.The problem is he's always been a magnet for bullies and negative attention. At previous schools other kids would sometimes call him "gay" or use homophobic slurs. They'd make fun of him and try to humiliate him. He's not a very "sporty" kid and he'd often get made fun of for it, getting called "weak" or a "wimp." We've moved a lot, and he's a genuinely sweet and likable kid so he's usually been able to find at least a friend or two wherever he's gone.We settled down in a new area this July, and I started to notice that he was having more problems this school year. He'd sometimes come home visibly upset and pouting, and he'd communicate with us much less. He'd often shut himself in his room. He mentioned that some other kids were giving him a hard time but he refused to open up about it.About a month after he started school, he started hanging out with a new friend in his grade (I'll call him John). John seemed much more outgoing and extroverted than my son, as well as bigger/stronger/more athletic. He lives just a few blocks away so they started hanging out pretty often after school. John has lived in the area all his life and has his own "group" of friends who seem to be relatively popular or well-liked kids in their grade.Anyway, I quickly began to notice something was wrong in the way my son was being treated. Whenever my son and John were alone they seemed to get along fine, laughing and joking like normal boys. But whenever it's them in a group with John's friends, my son is constantly made fun of. He's the butt of every joke. They do things like push him around, pinch him, ruffle his hair roughly, etc. It's surprisingly violent. I've learned that they've given him wedgies. They call him "little girl," "pu**y," or worse. And my son will try to take it all with good humor even though I can tell he's uncomfortable/embarrassed. They'll keep going until my son's face is bright red and his eyes are watering, and then they'll dial it back and tell him to take it easy. I have seen some of this behavior happen and I've tried to intervene, even tried to get my son to stop spending time with these boys, but he's begged me to leave it alone. One time I called one of the other kid's parents, which led to my son becoming incredibly upset with me when he found out, but it didn't stop him from spending time with these kids.More recently, however, I started to notice something slightly more disturbing about my son's relationship with John. Though it seemed normal at first it started to get more and more one-sided and problematic. The boys get along but John seems to derive pleasure from treating my son badly and making him uncomfortable. I've noticed a lot of similar things happen. John will lead my son into talking about his feelings/opinions/problems regarding one of their friends or someone else in their circle. Then, John will threaten to tell everyone what my son has said, just to tease and frighten my son and to make him "beg" for John not to do so. John is also touchy with my son, putting him in headlocks, tackling him, shoving him, etc. One time he pulled my son's pants down. Another time I saw him hold my son's arm behind his back and twist it just to make him squirm. He seems to enjoy making my son feel weak, humiliated, and scared. I've seen him slap my son hard across the face, though my son claimed it was just a "bet" afterwards. He's held down my son and stuck his fingers up his nose. However, my son continues to insist that all this is normal, that they're just goofing around, and that he absolutely doesn't want me to do anything about it. My husband also thinks it's just "boys being boys."The most alarming thing is something I just started to notice a few weeks ago. I started to realize they were having an "inappropriate" relationship. About a week ago I found out that when John and my son were in our house alone, they had gotten into my makeup and my son had let John put some makeup/lipstick on him. And just a few days ago as I was picking my son up from school I saw my son kissing John. It was just for a moment and I was very surprised seeing it. I only asked him about it later that day and asked if anything was going on between them, but he immediately got red in the face and told me it had just been a "joke." I tried asking him more questions, whether he felt that way towards boys, but he refused to say anything more.I just worry so much that this boy and his friends are taking advantage of my son. I worry that there may be some kind of real abuse involved, even if my son absolutely refuses to open up about any of it. And I'm frustrated because I can't tell how much of the behavior I've seen is normal behavior between boys vs something more serious. I worry that my son will get hurt. I worry that I'm not doing enough for him. My husband and I are both working full-time, and with three kids I hardly have enough time for any of them. I have so much on my plate that I feel like I can only observe what's happening to my son, and not really do anything about it. Not to mention my husband is from the South, raised evangelical and super conservative, and has always been quite hard on my son about being more "boyish" and "masculine." Their relationship has gotten more strained recently. I feel bad but I've kept him out of the loop on a lot of this. More than once in the past few months my husband has yelled at our son for his habits or for whining or having a bad attitude about his new school. And once my husband gave him a smack for talking back and cussing (though it was a one-time thing and my husband was very apologetic afterwards). I've tried as much as I can to put a stop to this. I know that the conversation about our son's possible sexual orientation may be difficult and uncomfortable, and I never thought we would have to deal with it so soon. I feel like with the stress of the move and the events of this past year, I'm slipping out of control of my family. I just want to be able to protect my little boy. What should I do? Is there something obviously wrong going on?TLDR: I'm worried that my son may have an inappropriate and abusive relationship with his new friends. via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/32Yx7tj
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