I tried posting this in r/relationships but I guess it wasn't juicy enough... I'll try here.My daughter will sometimes lie about things like chores or reading time to avoid getting in trouble and while this disappoints me I've never really taken it personally, but I do explain the importance of being honest when this does happen. Last week I had a parent of my daughters friend call me to let me know my daughter had asked her child a disturbing question - "have you ever seen anyone get raped?" Of course I was absolutely shocked, we keep our daughters media content tightly monitored, she never watches inappropriate content on our watch, and she comes from a very loving and non-violent family. This seemed very out of character for her. There was another child present when my daughter posed the question so I called their parents, explained the gist of the story but left out the details to see if their child came back with the same story, which they did. So I had a pretty clear picture that my daughter did in fact ask this question to these kids and my next step was to ask my daughter about it. She denied everything. I explained I wasn't upset for what she asked, but it was important we discuss this so I could figure out where she learned about the word "rape" and explain that it's not appropriate to ask that question to other students. She continued to deny everything. I feel I approached everything in an appropriate way, I wasn't mad but I was serious and of course concerned. For some reason her lying to me this time, about something so sensitive really hit me hard. I feel a lack of respect from my daughter, a lack of trust in my daughter, disappointment and oddly I feel depressed like I've somehow failed her so much that she's unable to confide in me and/or scared to simply tell me the truth. A lot of my life and pride revolves around my daughter, providing for her, taking her on trips and making sure she has a great childhood and I feel like getting this in return is deeply upsetting and a slap to the face. I feel petty for feeling like this towards my own child, especially an 11 year old. I've even found it hard to talk to her since this happened (only one day ago) and don't know how to proceed right now. I can almost guarantee she won't tell me the truth about what happened, so attempting that is probably pointless. I think I may have answered my own question about what I should do; tell her exactly how this made me feel as described above without expecting her to give me any feedback or input on what actually did happen. I guess I'd just like to get some feedback on this. Additional info: I gave her a consequence of taking away her phone and computer, without a timeline of when they would be returned. I clarified that this consequence was for not telling the truth rather than the inappropriate question, she should be punished for asking a question she most likely doesn't understand the concept of. I have a pretty good idea of where she heard the word "rape" from, as one of the parents told me that some kids in our children's class had somehow managed to watch the show 13 Reasons Why - I know, WTF. I notified the principal so that they're aware. I honestly don't think my daughter fully knows about the actual concept of rape... and of course she'll never let me know but I plan on talking about it with her now that I know she has a vague idea of what it might be. Any feedback and thoughts are appreciated! Thanks in advance. via /r/Parenting http://ift.tt/2rp9fQx
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