Hey all, have a situation I'm sure most parents have gone through, I just need some advice on what to do. Have two kids, the older one went through a phase of preferring myself to my wife. I can't remember it lasting too long, but time is just one big blur with little ones so I couldn't be sure. But our second one, who is now 3 1/2, has been on 'team dad' since birth. From the time we took him home from the hospital, for whatever reason, he has always shown a preference towards me. He would scream his head off with my wife as a newborn, the second I picked him up and held him, he would calm down. He'd be super fussy during the day, when I would get home, he would be just a little bit less fussy. He'd always eat better for me then her. This started a vicious cycle where my wife would be hurt and upset and then get angry (I couldn't blame her, I would feel the same).He was a difficult child, and because I was trying to be a considerate father and husband, I would always wake up with him in the middle of the night and wake up with the kids in the morning (when I was able to) to allow her to sleep. At first I worked 5 days a week and my wife worked per diem with very odd hours, but right after he was born, I changed jobs and started working 3 days a week. Shortly thereafter, my wife started working more and about a year and a half ago, she started working 5 days a week. Sometimes she would double up shift and go 2-3 days without seeing the kids, but for the most part, she was home for dinner every night.So here we are, with him being 3 1/2. He still shows a strong preference towards me, even going as far as saying stuff like "I love daddy, and (sissy), and grandma....but not mommy". He will play with her occasionally and intermittently show her affection, but more often than not, EVERYTHING is "I want daddy" or "daddy can do it". Especially when it comes to the everyday tasks of parenthood (showering, putting the kids to bed, holding hands when crossing the street, getting the kids in and out of the car, etc). It's exhausting, and it's caused a lot of friction between my wife and I. I've been accused of everything from not disciplining them enough (I'll get to that in a minute), to colluding with a grandparent to program the kid to hate her (the farthest thing from the truth; I've always gone out of my way to try and talk up her role...."mommy loves you sooo much" or "I'm so excited mommy is coming home"). By nature, my wife is more the disciplinarian. I've tried my hardest to be the tougher parent, but no matter how hard I try or angry I get, my wife always seems to one-up me with discipline. My parents were fairly lax, but her parents, especially her dad, was extremely rigid and strict (but still a good parent), and I think it's completely ingrained in her personality to be the tough one. She still gets silly with the kids on occasion (she isn't a total square), but I'd say about 75% of the time is all business. I just don't know what to do anymore. I was really hoping this would be a phase and he'd grow out of it, but 3 1/2 years later he's still going strong. We've had countless fights about it (it's pretty much the only topic we argue about), and I know there is a strong sense of resentment towards me. I have literally tried everything; stepping back with certain tasks, not hogging all the fun activities, not being the 'fun' parent, talking her up to him, etc, but it hasn't done much to help. She constantly says stuff like "he hates me" and "if I died tomorrow he wouldn't care"...which breaks my heart as I know it does hers. Aside from my own exhaustion about being the on call parent, I genuinely feel bad for her. We are moving and our schedules are changing yet again, however this time I will be working the normal 9-5 and she'll be a stay at home parent for a while. While I think this might help (having more one on one time with him while our oldest is in school), I'm still terrified that this might get worse.I also have to add that discussing any of this with my wife (or any parent for that matter) presents its own set of challenges. How do you tell your spouse that they should consider doing something different, or 'maybe he'll like you more if....'? The crazy part about this, and I don't know if I can ever admit this to her, is that my biggest trepidation about having another kid is the fear of this type of favoritism again, which will surely increase the resentment even more. Anyone have any suggestions or words of encouragement? via /r/Parenting http://ift.tt/2ryXkiY
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