Custody Woes

Hi r/Parenting! Hope you can help me navigate this delicate issue. I'm at a loss.I have two boys, 13 (going on 14, in high school this year), and 11 (12 in December). I have been split up from their father since they were 6 and 4; both his father and I have our own respective relationships with significant others that are long term. They have been seeing their father on a regular basis as per our custody agreement (every other weekend and one evening a week) since the break up. That is, until this week.A little bit of context: my fiance does not have any children, so my boys are the only kids in my household. My ex's wife has one son from a previous relationship who I believe is 10.My boys approached myself and my fiance last week and laid out what is happening at their father's house. They feel like their father doesnt love them because of his treatment of them. Different rules exist for the stepson and my boys, one example that continually comes up is the fact that my boys are barred from this child's room, but when my boys arent at their house the stepson is allowed to enter my boys room and pilfer what he wants. Their time spent with their father is spent attending stepson's various sports 'as a family' and the boys rarely get quality time with their father. When the kids disagree, my ex's wife ends up yelling at the boys (this I know to be true as my oldest mimicked her finger-waving head bobbing and it was the same thing she did to me when I was attempting to communicate with my ex a few years ago). Stepsons side is continually taken no matter what, as stepson will wail if he's in any way inconvenienced.We listened to their complaints. They then indicated that they no longer wished to visit their father as they didnt see the point.I encouraged my boys to speak to their father and work this out. They texted him, which went nowhere (texting is literally the worst form of communication) so I suggested they talk when he came to pick them up for their weekend with him.Reddit, it went terribly. Ten minutes later they came in the house both bawling their eyes out. I talked to both boys separately. The jist is that he called them liars, these sorts of things arent happening at his house, and that theyre lucky they have a dad to visit. He then said he doesnt care how they feel, and to get out of his truck which was when they both walked in crying. He then texted me accusing me of alienating him. I have always advocated open communication and although my relationship with ex has never been easy (he has communication and ego issues, heh) I have always encouraged the boys to visit their father and stressed the importance of their relationship.That brings us to today. My youngest came in distraught because 'Daddy is across the road!' It wasnt his truck, but it opened up a dialogue about their impending visit today and how both boys are still not interested in visiting. When I again told them that they'd have to bury the hatchet and communicate with their father, my oldest became upset. My ex's response to the boys refusal was 'Fine. Call me when you want to see me.'Should I be forcing them to go? Should I be encouraging more communication (Ive suggested email because its a great way to get many thoughts down without the heat of the moment clouding ones words). Are they old enough and mature enough to decide? Should I be communicating with ex? Ive largely stayed out of it because I dont want to meddle in their relationship but SHOULD I be meddling? Any questions to clarify the situation are welcomed. Thank you! via /r/Parenting http://ift.tt/2kOdnmp