Our first child (7yo) has been showered with love since the day she was born. She needs lots of love and attention and frankly it's wearing me out.I'm not sure if it's a first child thing, but she has a personality that just rubs me the wrong way. She's extraverted, bossy, she's abrasive, she cares only for herself, her voice is nasally and about 100 decibels at normal level, she's insecure, she's vain, she'll only do something nice if someone is watching and she knows that she'll get praise, and she needs validation from me like every 5 seconds. This has always been her personally even before her other sisters were born.My second child (20 months younger) I fell in love with the second she was born. Even as a 1 day old in her hospital crib I could just tell that she had a gentle disposition. She is introverted, soft spoken, independent, confident, thoughtful, puts others above herself, well mannered, naturally helpful (not having to ask her for help), and hardly ever requires validation.I make it a point not to give one more attention than the other. I'm sure my preference shows through, but I'd really like not to care anymore. I want to be around my second child all the time, I want a penny for her thoughts, I love watching her and how graceful she is, I want all my activities to involve her. I wish my first one would just go be with Mom and leave me alone. I swear some days the first one will be in the other side of the house, and I'll use that opportunity to give my second one a hug. When I'm done, the first one will suddenly be there, like a demon child from a Steven King story, staring at me creepily and jealously until I give her twice the affection of my second.I have a third girl, but she's Mommy's girl and could care less (for now).The other day she hurt her youngest sister (not sure intentional or not), and instead of helping her, started yelling at her to stop crying. Meanwhile, our second one didn't say a word, rushed to the freezer to get an ice pack, and started consoling her hurt sister. After showing our first child how to properly respond to someone when they are hurt, she mistook the lesson like we didn't like her or something. A few minutes later, she started yelling at her sisters again "everyone hates me everyone hates me" over and over.I shower them all with love, hugs, kisses, I love yous, but the first child is starting to concern me. I'm getting tired of the constant assurance she requires that she is loved. It's to the point that it's all she wants and can't just go be her own person. When she is alone, she's usually staring at herself, or role playing a teacher that bosses around her students, and speaking at 200 decibels so everyone in the house can hear her. Contrast with her sisters who when they are doing their own thing they are usually silent, working on a quiet activity, inspecting something, and perfectly content being in their own time and space.I know my first child will always be this way. It's her personality, and my wife and I joke that her profession will have to be singing or acting where she can get showered with attention and put her voice to use. But, is there any way I can teach her to be more of her own person and that she can find happiness in herself without having to suck the energy out of everyone around her? The constant hugs and kisses and I love yous and affirmations we give her aren't helping, I think maybe it makes it worse because then she just expects more. But if we back off or "get real with her" then it becomes a self fulfilling prophecy where she says "aha I knew it everyone hates me!” via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2zpCOXi
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