[Serious] I wish I wasn't a father.

Throwaway account (obviously).I know this sounds horrible but I regret becoming a father and I wish I'd never done it. I married a woman who had a kid from her previous marriage. It was fine at first but I'm realising now that I've absolutely ruined my life - I never wanted kids but after spending time with her toddler I thought I'd changed my mind. She (toddler) was so sweet and funny but as time has gone on I've realised more and more what a demanding nightmare she is - doesn't listen, everything is a huge battle. She's autistic which makes things so much harder (I am too, but not on the same part of the spectrum). Paradoxically, I love her - the good moments are truly good. But it's so outweighed by the constant drudgery and eternal exhaustion.My wife also struggles from mental illness and helping with her issues was fine when we were dating. But now I'm also raising a kid it's impossible to have the energy for both. She wears her down so much, so even though I'm the more patient one of us, it doesn't really matter that I can keep my calm through all the screaming and disobeying. It's driven a massive wedge between me and the woman I love that we can't even communicate about. I feel so fucking awful for even thinking this, and I'm so paranoid she'll somehow see this, but if she hadn't been born we'd be soulmates. Like I said I do love the kid, but every single day I find myself idly wishing in my thoughts that she'd never been born.For reasons I can't say here (potentially identifiable info) I can't leave them, and the thought of doing so makes me feel so shitty anyway that I know I'd kill myself from guilt if I did. I just need to vent. I loved my life before this but now I've ruined it permanently. Can anyone else empathise? Has anyone else been here? I just need to not feel so totally alone. People ask me what the matter is when they see me staring into space and I can't answer them. via /r/Parenting http://bit.ly/2vrg4kr