I don't love my 3 year old daughter

First off I never wanted kids. I don't have siblings and never enjoyed being around children who were younger than me. I just had a genuine distaste for little kids and babies, to me they were annoying and insignificant. To this day I have absolutely no idea where that way of thinking came from. I'm a 25 year old, single mother who lives with family. My daughter's father rarely sees her. Maybe a couple times a month, maybe. He doesn't support her in any way either. I found out I was pregnant back in early 2015 and I realized I didn't have it in me to get an abortion or put her up for adoption. I had always been brought up to face your mistakes regardless of what the consequences are. That was kinda drilled into me all my life. So I owned up to my mistake and had my daughter. My father disowned me and my mom's were happy to have a grandchild.When she was born, I got to do that "first touch" thing where the doctor literally hands you the newborn the moment they come out. I had always seen those romantic scenes in movies that it was like love at first sight and the mother/child bond was instantaneous. But I felt nothing but dread and disappointment. All I could think was, "is that it?" when I held her little body against me. I felt lied to, right then. It took everything I had not just leave the hospital the moment I could walk again and not sign the birth certificate. But all of our important friends and family were there for her birth and it felt painfully wrong to disappoint them. She was perfect in every way, strong and healthy. But I found no connection to her. Even when I eventually forced my body to produce breast milk and fed her I didn't feel that wave of oxytocin you supposedly feel.I had Postpartum Depression terribly bad and I still feel like I'm suffering from it. It didn't help that her father was practically useless and the place we lived in was the equivalent to a hoarders house. He had all this talk about wanting to start a family and have lots of kids and wanting to take care of "us"; but never delivered on it. He didn't work until after our daughter was over 1 year old. I, however, had to return to work three weeks after having her because we wouldn't survive otherwise.I feel like I'm just droning on and on and not exactly reaching a point, so I'm sorry.I just can't bring myself to love my daughter, I never have. I don't want anything bad to happen to her, I never want to see her get hurt; physically or otherwise. But I can't bring myself to unconditionally care about her or love her. And I absolutely hate myself for it. via /r/Parenting http://bit.ly/2Gz59uc