Don’t tell my 3rd grader he’s “not nice” for enforcing his boundaries

So recently, a kid in my son’s class has been acting like a jerk. I know his home situation and it’s not pleasant so I feel bad for him but I also know his behavior has been mean and manipulative. For instance, if my son’s friend group tells him that something he did wasn’t nice (for instance, he has a tendency to shove other kids or to demand that games be played his way), he will cry and say that people made him feel bad until they apologize. If they don’t, he has been known to tell a teacher that kids are being mean to him to try to get them in trouble. The other kids have just started giving in because it’s easier.My son goes to counseling because of my divorce and during our last session, he asked the counselor what to do about this. She told him that he needs to enforce his boundaries. Be nice but firm. Tell the kid what he’s doing isn’t okay and why. And if nothing changes, walk away and tell him you won’t play with him again until the behavior stops. She explained that boundaries are a good and healthy thing and you aren’t mean for saying “that’s not okay” when someone crosses yours. In fact, she said, it’s how you are a good friend to them... by teaching them that actions have consequences. I agreed 100%.However, my son insisted that he would get in trouble for this. I told him that as long as he is kind when he’s enforcing his boundaries, I will have his back.Fast forward to today when he started crying as soon as I got him from school and told me he felt helpless. The same kid had a tantrum and demanded to be a certain character in a game they were playing and have unlimited powers or some weird 3rd grader thing. So my son did exactly what we told him. He tried to tell the kid it wasn’t fair to everyone else and they weren't going to play that way. As usual, the kid started to cry and said they were being mean to him. My son said if he didn't want to play fair, they were done playing with him and walked away. The kid then told a teacher who lectured my son and his friends about how they were “not nice” because they were excluding him from their game and demanded that they let this kid play with them. (One of my son’s friends told his Mom the same story so I’m pretty confident I’m not just getting his version of it).My son came home crying and told me that he feels like he can’t win. I get it. I would feel the same way.I’m so annoyed by this. We tell kids to work problems out on their own which is exactly what he was trying to do. If my son was the one acting like a manipulative bullying jerk, I would WANT other kids to say “I won’t play with you until you get it together” or else he would never learn that actions have consequences. How can we say that we want kids to learn consequences but if every time they try to do that, some adult comes along and makes sure they don’t have to deal with them?So annoyed right now. I know these adults mean well but it’s really not helpful. Adults: if real bullying is happening or if someone is unsafe, yes get involved. When kids are actually learning real life lessons about friendships and consequences: stay out of it. via /r/Parenting http://bit.ly/2UZEbGf