This is my first Reddit post after years of lurking. Hoping some fellow parents/step-parents can offer some advice.My husband has 3 children (11 and under) that live with us 50% of the time. We are both well educated, have professional jobs, and are able to do nice things for the kids. When we became a family 2.5 years ago, it was not the easiest transition for everybody. The children had behavioral issues (not listening, not respecting house rules, etc.) that I believe were a product of entitlement that was/is being instilled at their other home. Couple that with a child custody battle that consumed the better part of 2016--we have had a hard time. Things are generally much better now and I think we all finally feel like a cohesive family.I attribute a lot of the improvement to our implementation of a rewards system. It is based on a clip chart where the kids are able to earn points by setting a good example and doing what they're supposed to do, e.g., work hard in school and follow the basic house rules. It has worked WONDERS for our youngest who went from peeing her pants in defiance to being an angel. The rewards include small day trips, AmazonAllowance, etc. We've had this system in place for about 1.5 years now.Recently, the oldest two (11F and 7M) have been backsliding in school. By this I mean completely bombing tests, not turning in HW, etc. This is very upsetting to the both of us who highly value education. Unfortunately, the kids' mother does not hold the same standards. She yells at them that they need to get better grades but doesn't provide a healthy environment for improvement. My husband bought all the kids grade-specific workbooks and assigns pages for them each week while they're with us. We have set a goal for the kids and will reward them with a trip to California this summer if they meet their goal. This goal can be met by not only working in their workbooks but also helping around the house (emptying dishwasher, sweeping, helping cook meals, etc.). Quite honestly the oldest 2 children are allergic to labor. This is why we are encouraging them with a trip to CA. They've never been on an airplane before.Our current problem lies with the 11F. She does not think that our reward system is fair. She says that this extra work is too stressful on top of her normal 6th grade workload. Currently she has Ds, Cs, and Bs. She is very immature for her age. She basically told me that she did not want to go to CA, but would rather go to the Children's Museum 1.5 hrs away which we have been to numerous times (we had a membership). She is usually one of the oldest kids there. This is quite disturbing to my husband and me. As children we loved to learn, worked hard in school, and would have been THRILLED to go to CA via airplane. The youngest 2 are quite thrilled and I am confident that they will meet their goal.11F has always been a mediocre student and I really don't think she has a desire to change. She's fine with scraping by with the bare minimum.Has anyone else had a child that is fine being mediocre? Can we change her mentality, or is this a personality trait? via /r/Parenting http://ift.tt/2lR0jj7
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