Wednesday 26 April 2017

My 15yo sister is pregnant, wants to live with me [x-post from r/legaladvice]


I’ve got a long story. If any of you can stick with me to the end and give information or advice, I would really appreciate it.I am a 29yo woman who is married and has 1 3yo child. My little sister Sara is 15. We have the same mom, but not the same dad. Her parents never married. The dad is currently paying child support and is deployed in Afghanistan. No one seems to be able to get ahold of him. Sara lives with our mother, who is withdrawn, alcoholic, and manipulative when necessary. She often cons Sara out of her own money (from when she worked part time at a fast food place and from odd jobs here and there). Sara has wanted to come live with me for a long time. I also want her to live with me. Our mom was convinced to allow her to live with me, but her dad was not. He is an authoritarian style parent with major anger issues. He would allow Sara to live with him, but not with me because “she needs a parent, not a sister.” So for awhile, we planned on having Sara come live with me when she decides to go to college. I live close to a major university, and many smaller ones and community colleges.Now things have changed. Sara (15) and her boyfriend Hank (17) have become pregnant. She was being safe with birth control and condoms, but it still happened somehow. So things are getting tricky.Hank is worried he will be jailed for statutory rape. I’ve told them that this is not true. That he has to be 18 and there is also a Romeo and Juliet clause that they fall under (within 2 years of age). We live in Texas.Hank, probably out of panic, is attempting to gaslight Sara into thinking that she raped him, that he never consented to sex that one particular time. She explained it all to me (gross) and it sounds like there was consenting activity (him moving her hips, telling her to get in certain positions) and that any non-consent talk was their normal bed talk.Sara has not decided if she wants to keep the child or give it up for adoption. If adoption, she wants an open adoption, but she is leaning toward keeping the child.I still think that Sara should come live with me, and unfortunately, that means the baby would come, too.So now my legal questions:If we become legal guardians, does that mean that her parents have to pay us child support? Or does that mean that there is no longer child support in the equation?If she keeps the child, would we also be legal guardians of the child? If so, for how long? Until she’s 18? Until she moves out?We will want to get child support from Hank, but would he pay her or us? Or nothing at all? I don’t want to take the kid for all he’s worth, but we are on a very tight budget. There’s a reason that my 3yo child doesn’t have a sibling yet. We have been trying to plan our family very carefully. I’m worried that resources meant for our son will go to Sara and her baby instead.Hank is finishing his sophomore year and is planning on getting his GED instead of finishing high school. He plans to continue to study HVAC repair, and he’s currently a pizza delivery driver. He says that if he tells his parents that he got a girl pregnant, he will be kicked out of his house. But I don’t know if that’s true or not.Also, Sara is spending the summer with another sister babysitting her kids. She will be done in August. So the first half of her pregnancy will be in a far away town in Bumfuck, (west) TX. I told her to plan her prenatal appointments for when she’ll be back in town.Her father is in Afghanistan, like I said, and no one can get ahold of him. I feel like he’s going to continue to fight her living with me. If he does this, I can definitely not afford a lawyer to fight him. She’s going to be in a bad position if she’s forced to stay at home, but if she must live with him, idk what that’s going to be like. I actually don’t think that would be too bad, considering what she’s going through with our mom. At least her dad won’t take advantage of her, but he idk… I’d have to talk to him about this. I mean, she did nothing wrong. She was in a long-term monogamous relationship. She used birth control and condoms. She did everything that a normal healthy safe sexual relationship should be. I can’t say that this is the result of poor upbringing. She did everything right.I don’t know if all of this is relevant. I’ve just never been in a position like this before. I have no idea what any of this means legally.P.S. she hasn’t told her parents yet, but I’m trying to convince her to.P.P.S. This is cross-posted from r/legaladvice. So if you don't want to give legal advice, I would accept any kind of advice. I want to do right by my sister, but I want to do right by my husband and son, too. via /r/Parenting http://ift.tt/2plHrKX

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