This will seem a lot like something that could be posted in the custody subreddit, but I really feel this is more of a parenting choice that I'm scared to get wrong. It's also pretty long, but I think the background is needed to get a clear picture.My ex husband was addicted to drugs, was bipolar and not taking his medication. With no meds he had delusions that resulted in me being hurt physically. I planned my whole life around getting my ex help while keeping my son safe. I worked at a daycare where I could bring my son with me, I had my aunt watch him for 2 hours each day so I could go home and make sure my ex was OK. I drove my ex to doctor's appointments, took him to therapy and tried everything. I left when my son was 6 months when it escalated further.My ex's family is pretty rich and didn't want to admit he had any issues. I was scared that they'd help and he'd be alone with my son. Well, my ex decided I could have full physical and legal custody if I agreed to give him everything. All our money, the house, the car, all my personal belongings....everything. I agreed and walked away homeless at 23 with a baby.When my son was 2 he walked back into our life, clean and living in a special home. He was diagnosed with a host of things and suffered a traumatic brain injury. The brush with death was enough to scare him straight. He wanted to try and be a father.So I let him.He had supervised visitations 2 times a month and called once a week to ask about how he had been. None of this was via a court, but I had no intention of screwing him over. After 3 months I knew he was serious and I mentally separated my 'ex husband' from my 'son's father' and gave him the benefit of the doubt while still making sure my son is safe.My ex's parents also popped back up and wanted to be a part of my son's life. Again, I let them. They came over once a month and bought him clothes and toys. They asked if I would take him to their church, as religion was VERY important to them. The whole family had gone to the same Baptist church for years.So I did.After 2 years I went back to court and asked for the custody to be changed from nothing to visitation every other weekend but supervised. I took all my evidence and logs and my ex and his family agreed and were very thankful. I wanted something legal in place in case I suddenly got vengeful and mean. Protecting his rights was protecting the relationship my son has with his dad and that was/is important to me. I didn't have a dad-he ran off- so if my ex is willing and trying I support that.Soon after this he had to move, as the family who pay for his housing/the program wanted him closer to them. I agreed to transport him once a month to see them, they were happy and paid our way. (And still do)Over the years my ex has made many gains, but he'll never live on his own. He goes to as many events as he can (he lives 10 hours away) , he calls him every week still and send him cards and letters. His visitation is still supervised by a third party for safety reasons related to my ex's health, but he's as involved as he can be. My son is in therapy and understands as much as he can at his age and is very well adjusted all things considering.Even though I hate my ex husband and I have not forgotten the hell we went through I don't let that influence my choices. I think of my son's father as a separate person and heavily weigh my ex's psychiatrist and therapists recommendations into account when it comes to visitation.I don't ask for child support, as I don't see the point in squeezing money from a disable man who uses all his personal resources to be a part of his son. His family pays for the housing he's in and he works for his extra money. He doesn't get SSI and has no intention of getting any so we get no help from him. His services are not live-in and they are paid privately by his aunt. Any child support comes out of my ex's personal money he makes from his 20 hour a week minimum wage job. Thing is, I don't need money. I need him to be as functioning as possible so he can be as involved as possible.My son's visitation has been going to my ex's parents since he moved. They really wanted that time with him and have always been apologetic since they came back and have been consistent and loving. They buy him clothes and pay his lunch bill sometimes even though I don't ask. They've made sure my son has a had a loving positive relationship with people from his dad's side of the family.My son is 11 and is starting to take advantage of the lax visitation relationship I have with his grandparents. He's started to ask to come home early to get his phone and play Minecraft because he didn't like what they were having for dinner, or because they don't have Netflix and he wants to watch a show and they don't. He calls when I'm at work and act like the sky is falling and then just stroll in and say "Hey, what's up? Can I go youtube?"His grandparents are hurt, but not mad. They're willing to bend over backwards to see him but I just can't keep dropping what I'm doing to uber him around on a moment's notice.When I told him this he said, "Ok I'll just stop going." and walked away without a thought. I asked how he can be so curt about it and he just said "They're old. Sometimes it's boring and I forget my phone. I'll just see them at church for a while. Maybe I'll go again when I miss them"My first reaction is to make him go, but should I do that? Everyone I ask seems to think they're dispensable and I haven't been angry enough about the past. They help him with his math, take him to a movie every other Saturday, have special pizza nights and always invite me and my youngest son from my current relationship (they invite my husband too but he says that's too weird for him). I don't know if it's just growing pains or something else but I don't know what to do.Have I done a disservice in taking this stance for all these years? via /r/Parenting http://ift.tt/2p68eu5
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