I'm 31F and he's 32M, our daughter is 8 and I have full custody. I'm sorry, this will be long.We split when I realized one day that I didn't want my daughter to grow up thinking it was okay for someone to treat her the way that he treated me, she was 2.He was angry all the time. I was an alcoholic. He called me names, threatened me, punched holes in the walls. We owned a business, and he quit coming to work. I worked and took our daughter to work with me. When my car was broken down I'd walk to work with her in the stroller and our two dogs. I did everything, and he never helped with anything. He yelled at me so much that our daughter would call me my name instead of "Mommy".I often slept downstairs on the couch where our friends would stay over, and we had at least one friend at all times living on our couch. I didn't feel safe sleeping in bed because I would wake up to him having sex with me. I had already been clear that I didn't want to have sex with him. If I woke up he'd tell me that I initiated and he'd get angry and berate me. If it started when I was awake I would say no but he would push until I gave in. At least if I slept downstairs with other people around, I was safe. Not always though, sometimes he carried me to the room while I was passed out drunk...He treated me like this regardless of who was around. He would yell at me in front of employees, and he treated them like shit as well. Once he threatened to hit me in front of them.He never did hit me, but once he had me on the ground with his hand around my neck until a friend pulled him off.We ended up living separately but one day went to a theme park with our daughter and two friends. At the hotel that night he tried to have sex with me while I was asleep, but our friends in the room confronted him. I had no idea why he was so upset the next morning until they told me. I don't doubt it was true, he'd done it a hundred times before. No one ever believed me until that day. I had tried to tell people.So they convinced me to go to the police and report him. I didn't press charges because I didn't want to "ruin his life". I was so stupid. But I didn't want to drag myself and my daughter into a case like that. I filed for divorce that day, and a restraining order. The first thing he did after receiving the order was come down to work and get in my face, threatening me. I called the cops and they removed him and the guns from his house. I didn't notify him of the restraining order ahead of time like I was supposed to because I was afraid he would kill me. I literally wrote that on the paperwork where it asks why you did not notify, if applicable.We've since been divorced, and he hasn't bothered to see our daughter except maybe 3 times. They skype occasionally. I try not to let my history with him affect her relationship with him. I figure she'll learn he's full of excuses all the time and get sick of it when she's old enough to realize.But now to the present. Recently a friend sent me a news link about him. It's in the paper from a month ago. He was accused of raping 4 women from his recovery program (drugs). More, but they haven't officially come forward. Apparently he offered them a safe place to stay while recovering and an impressive story of sobriety. He always had big impressive stories when I knew him that seemed too hyperbolic.He's always been manipulative and had excuses for everything. Every time he calls there's something huge going on in his life that causes him to be unable to see his daughter or send money. He's a big talker.I guess he was acquitted of all charges. But I really believe he did this. I have no doubts that he did it. He did it to me for years.What do I do? I don't think he would ever hurt our daughter. He's not a pedophile. But I don't want her around him. He's of bad character, and I don't want her to grow up and find a man like him. I don't want her to look up to this sorry excuse for a human being. Am I right in cutting him off? I feel responsible, like if I had done something back then that maybe I could have saved all these women. I feel like this is my fault. Maybe they got scared and recanted. I don't know what to do except try to shelter my daughter from him.She spends summers with his mother, who is absolutely wonderful, but she knew and did not tell me. She was here a few weeks ago for court and didn't tell me that was why she was here. But she's done so much good for my daughter that I don't think cutting her out is in the best interest of my daughter.Please help me.TL;DR: Ex-husband used to rape me and has been accused of raping at least 4 (they think more) women in his recovery program, he was acquitted. I still think he did it because of our history. I want to cut him off from seeing daughter, but I don't think he's a pedophile or would hurt her. His mother, who she spends summers with and is wonderful, believes he is innocent. I just want to do what's best for her. If I do, he will try to convince me that I'm being crazy.Edit: Also, what do I tell my daughter? via /r/Parenting http://ift.tt/2p2GGpI
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