Thursday 30 June 2016

When your kids school wants your support in discipline but you believe it is unfair.


Have any other redditors been in the position of their child’s school wanting your support in enforcing something but you not being willing to do it?Just to put this out there: My daughter is currently at a Christian school. It is *not** my choice for my daughter to attend this school. She is an atheist and doesn’t want to be there either. However, I am divorced from her father (largely driven by him rediscovering religion a few years ago). He is paying for the school himself (he is from money) and convinced a judge that it is in her best benefit because the school has a slightly better academic record than the (still perfectly fine) public schools in my area. We could not get the order she go to this school overturned. So it’s sadly not as simple as ‘go to a new school if you don’t like it’ in my case.*My youngest daughter is 16 (her siblings 18+ so not subject to parenting plans anymore). Poor thing has inherited my awful teenage skin as well as my very bushy eyebrows. If she takes after her older sisters, she’ll outgrow it by about 20, but the brows are here to stay.I took her to start getting them waxed when she was 13 after she expressed disliking them. She is very self conscious about her acne and has gotten very into makeup as a way of covering it up initially, but now she’s into it as a hobby. I’m supportive of this even if her father isn’t because I think 16 is old enough to decide she wants to wear makeup. And besides, is she prefers to spend her money from her job on makeup and spend her time watching makeup tutorials instead of partying and getting drunk, suits me just fine.She wears her colourful lipstick and sparkly eye shadows on the weekend, but for school as just wearing foundation and powder and very light eyebrow shaping.The school is demanding she not wear it anymore despite the fact she has been bullied pretty badly in the past for her skin before she learned how to cover it up. They also have said she is not to have her eyebrows done anymore and want me to ‘support them’ in this.I’m struggling with this one because I personally think the rule is a bit ridiculous. I have no issue with them saying eyeliner/lipstick/teal eyeshadow is a no go for school, but I don’t see the problem with allowing a teenage girl with skin issues to use foundation to cover it because it makes her feel better about herself. And I have to say that I find telling her she can’t have her eyebrows waxed or threaded anymore is extremely…..controlling? As an adult, there is no way I would allow an employer to tell me I can’t wear light makeup or pluck my eyebrows, so it feels silly to impose this on a kid who is going to be bullied pretty heavily when she takes it off.Oh she keeps getting detention for no wearing her hat....she has had 3 hates stolen in 4 months and I have told the school I refuse to buy another until they abandon their policy of forcing students to leave them on top of their bags so they don't get squished and retrieve them to wear to sit outside for lunch/going to and from school. I do not force her to go to these detentions and come and pick her up.The other issue, perhaps bigger, is I have been asked to support them in disciplining my daughter for writing an essay on a ‘moral issue’ where she wrote that she supports more relaxed abortion laws and she backed it up with a ton of evidence and put forward a very well written and reasonable argument. She also got into trouble for refusing to take a pamphlet on why same sex marriage should not be made legal and they said I need to support my daughter in her ‘faith’.I get that the school might be Catholic, but I am not going to support any disciplinary measures for my child supporting the legalisation of same sex marriage and better abortion access and giving a well researched and backed up rationale for that. I think they should be glad that a 16 year old has thought about her opinions and displays critical thinking skills…..and there is the problem that she doesn’t even have a faith to support.I feel like my hands are tied her. Her father (who lives most of the year in the UAE) is making her go to this school when she doesn’t have ‘faith’ that needs to be supported and I have no problem with her having liberal views or wanting to protect herself from bullying over her skin.Redditors, how do you handle it when you can’t bring yourself to support unfair school rules? I'm stuck on a fine line of not wanting to impose this shit on my kid and having her kicked out and my ex claiming we did it to ~piss him off~. via /r/Parenting http://ift.tt/29e1bZu

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