I suspect my second kid is autistic as well.

I don't really know who else to talk about this.My son is 2.5 and is mildly autistic, he's non verbal and fairly easy to care for. He doesn't tantrum, he's usually in a good mood, he's happy, he's loving and sweet, very social.But he's still a big baby, if you know what I mean. At one point, toddlers become "little people" and we are anywhere near that. While my husband and I love our son and makes us happy, he also brings us sadness. His situation saddens us.Now, I accidentally got pregnant right after my son was born so my little girl came to this world before my son's first birthday. There's was a point in our lives were everything was perfect. We felt so blessed. My boy started regressing sometime after 13 months.My girl now is 17 months. She was very difficult eater, she was a late walker and she still non verbal. We can tell she's behind. She points randomly, but she doesn't point to "show" or "share" anything and this is one red flag. Her eye contact is not consistent and since she's on early intervention already so I'm told I should play lots of social games and try to teach her sign language. But she won't look at me, she looks at the object but not at my face. She doesn't seem to use eye contact to communicate.Today, I put the sippy cup out of her reach but she could still see it. She was thirsty so she kept on trying to grab it, I was there and calling her name, I wanted her to look at me or give any sign asking for help. But no. She just gave up, cried and went away. And I was right there.She's a busy baby. We have toys but she doesn't care for them. She goes around the house, picking things and carrying them around. She walks around the house as she's going somewhere but she's going nowhere, just walking.She babbles. She has a very particular babble she repeats. She is friendly and sociable I think. If she is, she could be another mild case. She's certainly different, more "advanced" but still. I feel like we're about to start all over again. I've got this feeling I can't shake off.I've been depressed lately, Im terrified and feel like a failure. I know I didn't cause this, but I just feel very unlucky. It feels unfair. It hurts. I haven't ever recovered from my sons diagnosis and I'm afraid I'm gonna start another one again. I don't know how I can move on. Happiness will come when I finally accept this, but I can't accept this. Nobody wants a kid with a disability, I certainly didn't.Now I might have two.The worst part part is that I'm pregnant again. Our birth control failed and we got pregnant, I'm 2 and a half months in. My daughter has been on Early Intervention since she was 1, for feeding problems. She was assessed then, and we were told she's fine, she's not autistic. She was on track after that, so the idea of a third child was a bit scary but if she was fine we could try again in a few years. Our son could have been just a one time thing, or a result from his difficult delivery, who knows.But now, my daughter seems to have stopped progressing and Im pregnant. I'll think about about it for a couple of weeks more and then I think I'm just gonna lose this baby. Please don't judge me. I feel horrible already. I absolutely can't have another autistic kid. I can't. I don't want to. Emotionally, I don't think I can carry the disappointment of a third child with a mental disability.I know it's not confirmed, that I'm just assuming. But once you have an autistic child you are able to spot others. I'm seeing a few things already and we're having a small assessment tomorrow afternoon.I need to make a decision soon.I just needed to get this off my chest.Thank you if you read it all.Yes, I'm seeing a psyquiatrist, my sister (25) committed suicide about 6 months ago so my heart is already broken over that as well. I don't know if it's helping though. via /r/Parenting http://ift.tt/299s7c6