I'm getting an abortion tomorrow

This story is like a stupid movie you start on Netflix but don't watch past minute 10 because you're smart enough to figure out what's about to happen to the dumbass protagonist.My husband and I have 8-year-old twins. For years, YEARS we tried for a third. I would have done anything to hold one baby in my arms. But I was infertile. For nearly a decade. And during the Clomid, IUIs, IVFs, I lost my hair and my sanity. I was sick and depressed and miserable. In the meantime, I started medical school and my two boys, difficult to begin with, became increasingly disruptive in school and got just ALL the diagnoses and IEPs, etc.Last year, we went for our last embryo. It was a girl, and the genetic screening said she was perfect. I probably shouldn't have tried for her, because our life was already insane, but it was my last one and I couldn't resist the idea of that perfect girl in my arms.The embryo didn't stick, and something beautiful happened. Of course I was sad, and we cried. But suddenly I was free. Free to stop continually preparing my body for some imaginary pregnancy, free to enjoy my boys as the only kids I'd ever have, free to make an aggressive plan to pay off my husband's law school and my medical loans. Free to fantasize about vacations without including the part about trying to smear sandy zinc oxide on uncooperative slugs. (Embarrassing: I got coolsculpting because my post-twins body was finally mine to fuck around with.)And then, one night, my husband and I randomly (and I am talking RANDOMLY, because we barely ever have sex due to conflicting sleep and work schedules) had sex and then watched Barry on HBO. Barry is a great show! You should watch it!And I was late for my period, and I took one of the 10,000 bulk pregnancy tests I had ordered on Amazon over the years, and it was super positive. I had been looking at bone-white pregnancy sticks for years and this one turned pink in 4 seconds. And I hyperventilated. And my husband was maybe happy? But also hyperventilating.And then I cried for a week and got on a waiting list for a local daycare and imagined my body trying to haul ass through residency and trying to work 80-hour weeks and see all three of my kids. And lose all the financial ground we'd worked so hard for. And care for two (very likely three!) special-needs children and my very sweet but also eccentric husband. And I imagined naming my baby and holding my baby and breastfeeding (I didn't get to do it the first time). And I cried and cried and talked to my family and cried.So I'm getting an abortion tomorrow. And if I had a million dollars, I wouldn't. If I had excellent schools that were more supportive of special needs, I wouldn't. If I had more time with the family I already have, I wouldn't. If residency was a normal job with humane hours, I wouldn't. If my mom lived next door, I wouldn't. But I am. There's just too much to fight through, and I'm 37, and I'm tired, and I want to be kind to myself and give everything I have to my patients and my family. So that's why I, an adult, moronic woman with a bonkers story, am getting an abortion tomorrow. via /r/Parenting http://bit.ly/2EJpk8y