Tuesday 29 January 2019

Yesterday I realized something...


We have a few young children an also just started fostering a child. For years I wondered why children don't "just behave"? It must be bad role models or bad genes, or something inside the mind of the child. But I was wrong and I'm sorry it took me years to realize it.A few days back my wife was yelling at my 4 year old for being naughty. The kind of naughty where he knows what he's doing and every statement results in a whine or throwing toys. We were getting nowhere so I tried something new. I went over and asked him what toy he wanted me to play with. He stopped whining and went downstairs with me and we played in the toy room for an hour. Not a whine, no throwing things, or anything naughty. Just a boy and his dad playing. The next day something similar happened, and I calmly asked him to help me tell a story about a naughty boy at a made-up daycare. His eyes lit up as he told me about all of his real daycare friends, navigating their made-up world and given secret code names so I would't know who was who.We we warned the foster child might have some anger issues. And he does. But what mitigated that anger almost immediately was someone just talking to him and offering to play - no strings attached.This may be very basic for all of you but it wasn't for me. Kids just want to be listened to, to be played with, and their acting out is a result of not knowing how to ask for extra attention.Instead of yelling, calmly go grab a toy and start playing with it yourself. Instead of storming out of the room start asking questions about their world until they stop whining and start answering. It changed my entire outlook on parenting and I'm sorry for my children that it took so long. via /r/Parenting http://bit.ly/2Scxf6f

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