I feel disconnected from my father and don’t believe I’d care if he was gone forever, am I a monster?

When I was around seven, my brothers and I were playing a board game, I needed to pee but didn’t want to stop playing so I held it in. My brother went into another room and when he came back he deliberately scared me from behind “boo” (or something like that), I accidentally pee’d a little, I was embarrassed, luckily my brothers didn’t see, so I went into my room and changed pants. About half an hour later, I went downstairs and my parents noticed I was wearing different pants, I was questioned and dad found out that I had accidentally “wet my pants” and was angry; saying “you’re too old to wet yourself, what are you, a baby!?!”, several minutes later he was yelling at me and escorted me to their bedroom and told me “if you’re going to wet your pants like a baby, you can wear a nappy like a baby!” (Nappy is a diaper for US folks), I was infuriated and was at this point yelling back at him and trying ever so hard to get away, I was told if I didn’t put it on he would belt me. To this day, 17 years later I still look back on this memory and absolutely despise him for it, hatred even.Throughout my life, I have had little to no support from him, I was constantly told through my schooling that “why bother, you won’t pass anyway”, and was told “it’s not like you’re going to pass Year 12 anyway” (I did pass, fully.) and when questioned on it, I was told “it was to encourage you, reverse psychology”. (Year 12 is the final year of school before “college”)Of recent, I’m working full time and am planning on going to University, when I disclosed this to him, I was basically told “do whatever you want” in an obviously grumpy tone of voice, further discussions have taken place, the most recent he’s told me “I think you’re stupid if you leave a full time job to study at University”, I feel as if I’m not getting ANY support from him AT ALL, all I want is some encouragement, just something so basic as a “I think that’s a good idea”.Growing up, I constantly went through phases of absolutely hating my father, then a few months would go by and I’d tell myself “maybe he isn’t that bad”, then back to hatred.I’m not sure what to do anymore, I’m still dependant on my parents (living at home so I can study at University).Tl;dr I feel like my father has been a complete twat my whole life and doesn’t support anything I want to do. via /r/Parenting http://bit.ly/2G15qZb