Hi r/parenting. Long post incoming. I have a really trying situation that I’m not sure if I’m handling correctly- any advice is really appreciated. I apologize for the throw away, but ex knows my regular username.I have two children (7 and 5) and a baby due any day now. I was married to the father of my older children for 7 years. The split was long and hard and ended in a really, really ugly divorce. Things have calmed down quite a bit in the past few years since the divorce, but they’re coming to an ugly head again with imminent arrival of my third child. Ex husband and I currently share joint week on- week off custody of the big kids. We do not get along, he does not parent the way I do, but until recently it’s been more of a “pick your battles” situation while I just focus on correcting the behavior they learn over there when they come home. It’s a struggle, but no one has been in harms way. My ex has been in a long term relationship with a woman who I do not care for personally, but I absolutely appreciate the care she provides for my children, and I make sure that it’s known that she is appreciated. Without her, I’m not sure that the kids would get any interaction/care outside of the basic necessities. I am remarried to a wonderful man, and as mentioned above, we are expecting baby 3 any day.Things with the ex have gotten sticky since we announced the third child. We actually learned that my ex husband has stolen the identity of my 5 year old (pro tip- NEVER “jr.” YOUR KIDS). He opened several lines of credit, car loans, unsecured loans, etc. in my sons social security number- using a signed copy of my sons social security card regularly. This isn’t the first instance of illegal habits surrounding money, but I would have never imagined he would make his own kid his target. It’s been reported to the police, charges are being pursued- but it’s on the back burner, because it isn’t a violent crime.This is all build up to get to our current situation- Last weekend my exes girlfriend messages me to ask if the kids can go with her parents to the beach for the week. I say no, because I have never met these people. She asks again later in the same day. I, again, say no. She ignored it. I got a really awful feeling about it the next morning- and come to find out, we arrived just in time with the police to stop her parents from taking my kids. I have the right to first refusal in our current agreement, so for any time not spent with the kids over 8 hours, I get the option of keeping them first. I offered to keep them the first time she asked. Whatever, in the long run they were stopped. But then it got REALLY REALLY UGLY. Police came, ex was really awful and said some terrible things in front of the kids. Then immediately went on an awful racist tangent. My ex is white, I am white, big kids are white- current husband is black and baby will obviously be mixed. He said he would never let the kids see the baby during his time (he previously was going to let them visit us in the hospital). Spewed some really awful racist slurs, and said just gross defiling things (all via text- so that’s a bright side, i guess?) about us because I am married to a black man. It was all around shitty. Kids came home on Friday and told me that all of the racist hate was spewed to them as well. They are awesome kids, but holy shit how confusing is that? Their dad tells them they’re better than the baby because of the color of his skin? It’s maddening. I immediately filed for full custody (I should have after the id theft, but I’ve been told to keep that under wraps for as long as possible to avoid his reactive tendencies) and set up appointments for my kids with a counselor because I have no fucking clue how to handle this. I’m currently waiting on him to be served for the custody suit, and I know as soon as he is it’s going to get even uglier. He’s had stalking charges filed against him in the past, and we had a protective order for a long period of time. I’m assuming we’ll be back there very soon, but in the meantime I don’t know how to cope. It terrifies me that I’m bringing a baby home any day now to older siblings that are being taught to hate him. Our custody court date isn’t for a few months so they’ll have to be with him every other week until then.Thank you for reading- if nothing else it made me feel better to word vomit this all out there. I feel like shit about all of it. I shouldn’t have brought another baby in to this world knowing that my dirt bag ex husband would always be a part of our lives. My poor kids are at an age where they’re starting to see who their dad actually is, but he’s still their dad and they’ll always love him...My husband is a fucking champion of a man and has handled this 2000% better than I would have if I were him. He loves the big kids just like they’re his own. via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2mBLIax
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