Need Advice on a Toxic Grandparent

I’m a first time mom. My parents divorced when I was very young. My dad took care of me for a majority of my childhood. My mother and him were great co-parents (holidays, school events, birthdays, etc.) He was my best friend. He did not date until I was in the midst of highschool. At that time, he started dating someone closer to my age than his own. She proceeded to be our family’s worst nightmare. She has no close friends or familial relationships of her own. She severed relationships with every female in my fathers life (including his young god children). Emotionally and verbally abused me as he stood by actionless (he’s the passive type). I cried at their wedding. She’s cut me off multiple times for “indefinite amount of time” due to one of her emotional breakdowns during which I barely see or hear from my father. This hadn’t happened in a few years until a few months ago while I was very very pregnant. I decided that would be the last time I’d be a dispensable person in either of their lives. She has since contacted me numerous times about how I’m ungrateful and how she has no idea why I would ghost her. I haven’t responded to any of it and I don’t plan to.My father has made very little effort to be a part of his (only) grandchild’s life or even my own for the past several months. He is an incredibly kind person and wouldn’t hurt a fly but he has no backbone whatsoever and has hurt many people by not putting his foot down when it comes to her erratic and selfish behavior. I can no longer make excuses for him now that I am a parent. People who enable are just as much at fault.I can’t imagine a world where I would allow my child to be treated like this (no matter their age). I can’t imagine being in love with someone who alienated me from every single family member and a majority of my friends.I don’t want to subject my baby to this type of treatment. Yet, I’m not the type to give up on family. Especially the man who raised me with such love. I don’t want my baby to see me as someone who severs ties with family. However, I may be subjecting my baby to more pain by allowing toxic family members in their life?!I’m experiencing a lot of heartbreak in this situation. My father was my hero and my idol for so long... I never thought our relationship would become this. I never thought the quality of our relationship would be 100% contingent upon her current feelings about me. I never thought that I’d have to consider whether he should be a part of my childs life or not.Someone please help me see the light. via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2LD8H31