Needing help with angry child

My 12 year old gets angry at himself either when playing video games or sporting events or homework and other activities. He gets upset enough that he kicks out or throws his controller. Sometimes he'll grab his arms or tug at his hair. Then he gets overwhelmed or we get on to him about taking a timeout or cooling off or stepping away and then he starts crying. He recently told me he feels overwhelmed and angry and sometimes he needs to unleash some anger out.My mom has had clinical depression for as long as I can remember and a year or two ago she made am off hand comment that has stuck with me ever since. She said she worries he might have the same depression she has and she sees similarities and signs she had when she was younger.I try to talk with him about his feelings but I don't know that I'm actually helping him. I'm so scared and worried because you hear all these stories about kids doing dangerous things to themselves or others and I don't want to be one of those parents that think "that's not my son". My spouse seems to think we just don't discipline him enough or that I'm too soft on him, which I'm definitely the less strict of us two.Is finding a therapist the only recourse or do we have any other options? He's mentioned before that he doesn't want to go to a therapist, he somehow already thinks there's a stigma associated with going.He reached out to me today while I'm at work and told me he thinks he broke his controller and that he is sorry that he gets frustrated. I just don't know what to do to help him besides being there to talk to him. I don't know what to say to help him and I'm starting to get frustrated at myself as well for feeling like I can't help my child. via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2oZ3FVo