My daughter is a big fan of Minecraft, and has been playing it for years. During her time playing she made friends with a bunch of kids. As soon as she did I asked all kinds of questions, "How old are they? What did you tell them about yourself? Do they know where we live? Etc." Trying to ascertain if she was being safe. I even sat her down and explained why it was so important to be careful with what she shares with strangers online.After numerous discussions with her (when she was 8-9) I felt confident that she was being safe and that these kids were just that - kids. She repeatedly told me they ranged in age from 8 to 11, which I felt was an appropriate age group for her.Flash forward to last year (shortly after turning 11) and she starts complaining about the kids getting into relationships and causing drama. Fighting with each other because so and so started 'dating' a guy/girl that someone else liked. Things like that. Nothing too concerning since they were for the most part sticking close in age when 'dating' - or so I was told. She also assured me that she didn't have a boyfriend because she was just interested in the game. All things I believed.Flash forward to last night. We're having a pretty decent night at home, joking around and having fun. Well, she let's out that she has a boyfriend now in her group of friends. I, of course, start asking questions. "What's his name? How old is he? How long have you known him? How long has he been your boyfriend? Etc."She answers my questions without any guilt or holding back. His name is Alex, he's 14, they've been friends for about 3 years, and they've been boyfriend/girlfriend for about 2 months. Now, since she'll be 12 next week, I didn't concern myself too much with him being 14 - but I did mention that it's not exactly ideal at her age and that I want her to be very careful about the relationship since he is slightly older than her. All's good, and we move on to some light teasing about her boyfriend.Half an hour later, we're talking and she says she has something to confess. He's not 14, he's 17. And she didn't want to tell me at first because she was afraid that I would be upset. Now, I applaud her for coming clean and telling the truth, but I am in no way comfortable or happy that he's 17. Which I made very clear to her.I didn't yell, or raise my voice. Just calmly asked why she would think about having a relationship with a 17 year old. And if she thought I would be ok with that. She immediately goes on to defend him saying he's just misunderstood and that he's never done anything inappropriate or asked for inappropriate things. Not what I asked about or brought up. So I told her that we needed to wait for her father to get home and discuss it with him.I don't want to yell at her or berate her. My father did that to me all through adolescence and it didn't help me in the slightest. In fact, it probably contributed to my having terrible boyfriends who were controlling and having anger issues. As well as my daughter at 20 (and getting pregnant at 19) with the completely wrong man and having to go through years of single motherhood before finding a decent man.But, my first instinct is to yell and scream and do all the things my father did. I want to takeaway her phone, the computer, the PlayStation - all the ways she has to contact this boy. I want to berate her for being so stupid and falling into a situation like this. And more. And I know most of that initial reaction has to do with my being terrified and angry about what could happen to her and what this guy might have already said/done to her. But I don't want to react based on fear/anger.I know exactly what he's doing - he's grooming her. What 17 year old boy wants to 'date' an 11 year old girl? A messed up one. One that can't find anyone of an appropriate age to date. One that wants to be in control. One that lacks the basic social skills to interact normally with people. One who has issues. I know, because these are the kind of guys that I dated in middle/high school. The guys that are all lovey dovey and make you feel like the most important thing in the world at the beginning of the relationship but who turn into mean, nasty, selfish jerks who make you feel like everything wrong with the relationship is your fault.There is no way this relationship is appropriate, healthy, or in any way good for my daughter. But I don't know how to get that across to her. I'm afraid that if I do the things I want - force her to cut communication and to 'break up' with him she'll find a way to sneak contact. And eventually they'll concoct a plan to run away. He supposedly lives in Florida, and doesn't know where we live, but I'm certain that he would make his way here and convince her to run off with him if I 'take her away from him'.So I'm at a complete loss. The only thing I know for certain to do is get her in to see a therapist ASAP. But beyond that... via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2BJL5mV
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