Kid doesn't want birth control, prefers condoms

I'm the dad of a 14 year old girl and overall we have a pretty great relationship. She's had a boyfriend for over a year now and I've known they've been having sex for almost as long, but I never made a big deal of it and until recently she wasn't aware that I knew about it. Up until last month, all I did was give her gentle reminders to be safe without letting on that I know. And of course, I also let her know that she can talk to me about anything, but she never came to talk to me about that. I even gave her easy openings to start a discussion in case she wanted to talk but didn't know how to initiate, but she never gave the impression of wanting to.​Come last month and my daughter started her period, no big deal either, but I wanted to make sure she uses birth control. Since I can tell she doesn't want to speak with me about her having sex, I booked her an appointment with a female doctor and told my daughter it was "to talk about a few things now that she started her period". My daughter said she doesn't want to talk to anyone about that, so I explained there would be some related things to discuss as well to make sure she is being safe now that her body is capable of becoming pregnant. I thought this way she had a heads up and could prepare for the appointment.​Come the appointment and I took her to the doctor while I sat outside and waited. After 5 minutes she was done and the doctor asked to talk to me in private. Then she told me that my daughter is not sexually active and not planning to become in the near future and doesn't want to go on birth control, so she is perfectly healthy and I have nothing to worry about. I was flabbergasted, but I just thanked her and decided to talk to my daughter in the car.​I assumed that my daughter had simply been to embarrassed to admit to the doctor that she was sexually active, so I wasn't mad at her and decided to be very gentle in my approach. But I also didn't want to give her a chance to deny it. So I told her that I know she and her boyfriend are having sex and that I have known for a long time, but that out of respect for her privacy I haven't brought it up with her before. I told her that I booked her this appointment in an attempt to respect her privacy, so that she wouldn't have to talk to me about it, but could still get on birth control now that she has started her period. Then I asked her, without sounding accusatory, why she didn't tell the doctor that she is having sex.I suppose this might have been a lot for my daughter to take in, so she was quiet for a little bit, then she told me that she didn't tell the doctor because the doctor was asking a question that was too private. I told her it is nothing to be embarrassed about and she said that she knows that, but she still prefers to keep it private. I told her that I completely understand wanting to keep it private from parents or peers and that it may even be a good thing to keep certain things to yourself, but why wouldn't she tell a health professional. She told me then that she thought that the doctor might want to give her her opinions on birth control and she would rather not hear them. Why? Because she has already made up her mind about that. And what did she decide? Here she says that IF they are having sex then they are using condoms and prefer to stick with that.​So I am not upset with my daughter. I actually know they have been using condoms because I found them, which is how I knew in the first place. I am not angry at her for lying to the doctor. It makes sense: she didn't want help with birth control and didn't want the doctor to pressure her to get on birth control. But I would feel much safer if my daughter was on birth control. I explained her all of this in a friendly way and asked her if she understands why I would like her to go on birth control. She said she understands and that she sees the benefits but she doesn't want to fill up her body with hormones. I told her I respect that and suggested birth control free from hormones such as an IUD. She told me she wants to get used to her period before she starts experimenting with that because otherwise she won't know what's side-effects of her period and what's side-effects of the birth control.​At this I basically told her I understand and thanked her for being open with me and letting me in on her thoughts. I didn't want to drag it out when I could see she was not super comfortable with the conversation and I haven't re-visited the topic with her again. It's been a few days and I guess I am just going to have to accept the fact that my daughter prefers condoms to more permanent birth control. I guess I am just going to have to accept the fact that I can't control that the condoms get used every single time they need to, unlike semi-permanent birth control that just stays in so parents don't need to worry. I guess this is just how it goes. I guess I will get used to it too.​Does anyone have any advice? I am not exactly planning on asking her if they used a condom each time she has seen her boyfriend, but is there anything else I can do to encourage them getting used? Should I start buying her condoms (I know where she keeps them and they're not short in stack, but perhaps it would emphasize my concern)? Should I buy an emergency plan B pill so she has one in case something goes wrong and I'm not there/ she doesn't want to tell me, or would that encourage irresponsibility? Should I discuss abortion options and costs with her? Or should I just have faith in my daughter, not pester her with questions, and let her come to me if she needs my help?In case it matters I would describe her as reliable and responsible, and I would say the same for her boyfriend. She has straight As, does sports and other extracurriculars, and has a mixed group of friends (including a pregnant friend). She has never been in trouble in school or elsewhere. As far as I know she doesn't drink or use drugs, even though I know a few of her friends have experimented a bit. I would say she has a lot of integrity and is generally respectful of people. Sometimes she is a bit shy and can stay in the background, not a loud personality (not the kid you would guess is sexually active). via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2MU8CXE