How do you get a spouse/partner to pull their weight around the house when you're the SAHP?

Let me preface by saying I appreciate my husband for working. I stay home due to childcare being too expensive to justify a second income. He hates his job so I am very appreciative that he works and does it every day 5 days a week.But I am tired of playing maid, nanny, cook, and all around housekeeper.I am not OCD level cleaning at all. Sometimes I let the dishes sit for 2 days, but they ALWAYS are done by me. He chose to be in charge of laundry because he said I don't do it right. But he only does 50% of that job. He doesn't fold and put away. Just tosses it from washer to dryer.Any ACTUAL cleaning is left to me. He will not clean ANYTHING until I explode from the stress then he expects a fucking fanfare. And I get angry and look like the asshole. It's not that I don't thank him when he cleans, but he only does it when he senses I'm at that break down point.He doesn't cook. Ever. He won't have a lunch for work if I don't make it for him. I have literally put food in a tupperware for him in the fridge but because I didn't put it in his lunchbox like a fucking child, he won't put it together and take it, so then he orders or buys food at work with money we barely have.He works 2nd shift. He never has to deal with nap time, dinner time, bath time, and then bedtime. He doesn't even do it on his days off. Then, when he gets off of work he stays up until 2 AM (so 4 hours after he gets home) and sleeps until 12:30PM. He then gets up, eats, shits, showers and leaves. So he doesn't help me for sure 5 days a week. I have pets to take care of on top of it all. Even my siblings are getting angry with him based off of what they glimpse of our daily lives.I don't feel like I should have to nag him or even ask him to do certain things. We have a toddler still in diapers. He has to be told when to change him. He is a grown ass man yet I feel like I have 2 children. 3 if we include our 9 month old puppy.I have tried talking to him about it and he gets defensive and says I just want him to do everything. Then we argue. Every single time. My therapist says I should just do things for me and the toddler only. Either husband will notice, or he won't. But then I get so tired because I'm doing so much and getting so little in return.I don't know what else to do. via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2MIwQFl