When my son was around 1 year old. I started feeling like something was different. There were a lot of really small things that just "felt" a bit off. I couldn't explain it - just intuition. When my son turned two and a half, I told my husband that I felt he may have a disability. I husband was completely and utterly miffed that we thought this son was "defective"I took him to the doctor with my husband in tow and explained to her that I felt we needed help. She didn't see any flags of developmental issues, She also picked up on the fact that my husband didn't either.I contacted early intervention where a speech screening showed a 45% delay. They immediately got him into therapy. My husband disagreed with this move. He felt we weren't believing for the best in the child and allowing him to grow out of it on his own.I tried to explain that intervention is the celebration of our child and his potential not the celebration of his problem. But he felt that exploring therapies and options in speculation of problems before they were verfied was the celebration of his difference.Even with the speech diagnosis - I still felt like we were missing the bigger picture. Eventually, I pushed to get us into a hospital for multidisciplinary assessment - they immediately came back with a firm diagnosis of Apraxia - a disorder in the family with autism. He is of normal intelligence but would have a non-linear development in social, motor, and speech and literacy. He was months shy of his 3rd birthday.Once I had the diagnosis, I became super energized. I enlisted special camps, therapies, assessments, and schools to help. I always had a new idea. Always a new resource in my back pocket. I was always exploring what we would need to help him with next.My husband pushed back on every new venture.He felt that we needed to approach by accepting the child as is and reinforcing his value at face. Intervention should only come as a last option. I believed that we should intensely address whatever problem we can find when in order to give him a better experience and an easier path . We would then accept what we couldn't fix. My husband perceived our intense interventions as reinforcing this "defective" message and every intervention was a move to acknowledge and give energy to his shortcomings " Everyone implored me to stop trying to "fix" him and just love him " I only knew how to love him by helping him.All for all, the intense interventions are working- he is 5 years old and is no longer a candidate for special ed. He is likely to become literate. He is social albeit struggling with speech. He is closer to a normal baseline - than even my husband - ever thought was possible. But he LACKS self-esteem.About two years ago, I started noticing a split in the family. My darling son felt very uncomfortable around me. He avoided me. He seemed sad and withdrawn. I didn't understand. He only seems to feel comfortable with my husband. My son was aware of the differences in opinion between me and my husband over his therapy and school.Yesterday, when my son was done using the bathroom. He ran and hid from me when I went to check on him. He got his dad to help him wipe. When my hubby found him - he whispered- I don't want mom to know that I can't do it.This was the missing puzzle piece. I realize now - that we failed to ever talk to my son directly about his disability. He knew of my push for interventions and interpreted that he has one parent that thinks he is great as is and one that doesn't. It is not true really- but its the message. He goes to therapies and schools all day and only has one vacum of space with his dad - where he is just fine. I see how my actions made my son feel and the terrible dynamic - I have created. I don't know where to go from here. I feel powerless to fill this void that has been there for 2 years. I don't know how to explain to him. He still has a long developmental journey and I dread that he grows resenting my every decision and move-- feeling that he was not good enough as he was. Should I sit him down and try to explain to him ... how?EDIT: readabiity add additional details via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2BZFSrJ
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