Hello /r/parenting,I am a fairly new father married for 6 years now. I have a 20 month old healthy boy who is full of energy and curiosity. My in-laws are retired and will often watch our son a couple of days a week while we are working. My in-laws have a good sized pool in the backyard which is accessible from the house and has no safety fencing of any sort. When my in-laws first started watching our son he was just starting to learn to crawl. I expressed my concerns to my wife that I felt that as our son learned to be more mobile the pool is going to be a safety issue. I mentioned the pool would need to have a safety fence added as his mobility increased. She initially didn't think there was any issue with it but after a few more comments I at least had her mentioning it to her parents (supposedly). The in-laws are pretty well off and money isn't really any issue for them and while I feel like as grandparents who have a pool they would want to keep their grandson in as safe an environment as possible. Alternatively, I said if the money was an issue we could also offer to pay for any fencing that was needed.Our first child was delivered stillborn at 41 weeks and was very difficult on our family. I expressed that we had already lost one child and I feel like taking smart precautions and reducing risk where possible makes sense so we should have our son cared for in an environment that is safe when dealing with a pool especially. The in-laws agreed to look into putting in a pool fence.Fast forward 10 or so months to last week. Our son is growing up quickly and walks/runs very well now. A couple of weeks ago he learned how to use our doggy door after watching the dogs use it. Now he immediately runs to where the door is located and crawls through wanting to play outside. We have to keep the sliding doggy door on to keep him inside. Our 20 month old son is rather large (wearing 3t already) for his age and is already trying and sometimes successfully opening different types of doors.His new found love for the doggy door immediately made me more concerned for his well being at the in-laws because they also have a doggy door, along with the 3 other possible doors exiting to the backyard where the pool is located. To this day they have yet to put in that pool fence so the pool is still accessible from the home. After picking up my son from the in-laws last week I decided to breach the subject again with the wife. It started that evening when I started to mention it, and as always I got a similar response as always "Yea I know you want a pool fence and I've told my mom and they are working on it" (been working on it for 10 months +).The next morning I decided to bring it up again with some more reasoning. I tried to stay as calm and neutral as possible. I explained that I was uncomfortable with the situation and was worried our son could get access to the pool and potentially drown. Drowning is the #1 killer of children under 5 (in our city at least) and those are accidents. I explained that accidents happen and despite how careful her parents are they could potentially make a mistake of forgetting to put the doggy door on or locking a door and as quick as our son is at this age he could be out the door and in the pool in seconds. She immediately took offense to my suggestion that her parents could possible make a mistake or have an accident happen on their watch. She says her parents keep the doors locked and the doggy door on at all times. I expressed that while that is what I would expect, its the chance that an accident can happen. I tried to explain that it has nothing at all to do with her parents, and I would feel the same way if it were friends, my parents, or even myself. I would not even trust myself to be 100% vigilant and not make a mistake. Accidents are by definition of the word - an unfortunate incident that happens unexpectedly and unintentionally, typically resulting in damage or injury. There is a reason for pool safety guidelines where they require certain size fences with auto closing and auto latching gates, because people sometimes leave them open and potentially someone can fall in and drown. She then started arguing that accidents happen when you drive a car or when you do other random assortment of thing, should we just stay in our home and not go anywhere or do anything? I frustratingly disagreed and said those are apples and oranges and when we do drive we use seat belts and car seats for kids to reduce injury in case of an accident.I ended up putting my foot down and said our son would not be babysat at the in-laws house until a pool fence is installed. They are more than welcome to watch him over at our home or take him out to the park or what ever. This of course caused more strife and a huge argument has brewed for the last week. She keeps making the point: "You are being overprotective and by not allowing my parents to watch our son you are insinuating that they are incapable of watching him safely. You are saying they are incompetent.".The last week he has been watched at our home as I've been lucky to have my mother available to watch him during the days we work.What do other parents think about this or similar situations? How did you deal with it? Am I being over protective? Is it reasonable to enforce our son to not be watched at the in-laws house until its made safe by having a pool fence installed?Sorry for the wall of text and thank you if you made it this far and for any advice you may have!TLDR - 20 month old son recently learned to climb through doggy doors. In-laws have unfenced pool and access to backyard from the home via doggy/sliding/normal doors. Wife and I got into huge fight after requesting the pool be fenced and eventually keeping son home until fence is put up. Wife thinks I'm being over protective and calling her parents incompetent to watch our son. I expressed it wasn't personal and I would feel the same way about anyone watching our son in a similar environment including myself. Accidents happen to everyone. Anyone can make a mistake and leave a door unlocked or a doggy door open. Am I being over protective or is it reasonable to not allow our son to be watched until a pool safety fence is installed? via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2UZ0cRw
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