Background: My grandma remarried when my mom was in middle school to my step-grandpa so I was raised with him being "grandpa" my whole life. He was abusive toward my mom and her siblings and to his own kids. I don't know the full extent of what happened, but enough that I can understand why he doesn't have a great relationship with them anymore. My sister and I both experienced him being very inappropriate with us as kids. It started with him walking in on us in the bathroom and looking through the door when we were changing. It progressed to touching us in ways we were not comfortable with, to making comments about our bodies as we became teenagers, and trying to get us alone. There was a time he came up behind me and put his hand up my shirt and I told him to never touch me again. That was in college and since that point I have only talked to him a few times and refused physical contact. I think he did more to my sister, but she hasn't confirmed that. He now lives on the other side of the country from me and I am very happy with that arrangement.The problem is I have been experiencing a lot of anxiety lately because my mom has been talking about having him move across the country to live with her since he is having a hard time on his own. My grandmother passed away last summer and now he is alone and no one else is willing to help him out.There are good reasons for why no one else wants to be around him. He has a horrible personality, is argumentative, controlling, and angry. But for some reason my mom feels obligated to take care of him.We will be moving closer to my mom as well and she wants to help out with childcare of my two young children part time while I'm at work. I just don't know what kind of boundaries to set if he does end up moving in with her. On one hand it would be really helpful to have her watching the little ones (3 and 1) and sometimes I feel like I am overreacting to what happened to me since he never really did anything past some uncomfortable touching. On the other hand, when I was a teenager I felt betrayed by my parents because they didn't put themselves in an "awkward" situation to stick up for me and tell him to get away. I told them what he did and they didn't do anything. I don't want my kids to feel that way about me. But they are young now and he was never that way with us when we were small. That sounds like a lame excuse though.I just feel too close to the issue and don't know if I'm overreacting. My mom would be really sad if I never let her take care of the kids or babysit without me there. Plus he isn't even here yet, but she keeps pressing the issue because he is unhappy. I'm hoping you can provide me with some insight and advice. I don't know who else to talk to about this. via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2Ufg459
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