First, let me say I'm on mobile so please forgive the formatting.I (33f) have 2 sons. 4 and 6. 1y 10m apart - I was pregnant within 3 weeks of first son's 1st birthday and totally planned it. My mom had 2 kids and she's a fantastic mom so I thought I'd be the same. Fast forward to now.We have our own business. It's my husband and myself with a helper when available and/or needed. 6 year old is starting 1st grade in one week. 4 year old is starting preschool. I've been a SAHM since my first was born. The work I do for the company is from home also. I do not have any other activities, do not participate in social media outside of reddit and also do not live in my native country. I'm 2 hours outside of a major city, half an hour from the nearest grocery store (though we have 2 mini markets in our mountain town). I've literally been with my children every day of their lives, except for the 2 days I was in the hospital having our second. They're with grandparents maybe 3 or 4 times a year but never together - only one at a time - and only for a few hours. And I've had it up to HERE!I feel like I'm a walking live wire. I tell me kids not to do something, they do it right away again and I can't take it.Im an angry person. Was verbally abused by former stepfather (who physically abused my mom and I knew it but it was her cycle to break, so I was mad at my home life) and dad passed away at 16. Wasn't allowed to grieve because of step dad. As in, my dad passed away May 23rd and 3 weeks later when I was crying my eyes out on Father's Day, my step dad came and told me to get over it, that my dad was a lousy piece anyways, not worth grieving. And sure, my dad lived off of disability, couldn't afford child support payments, etc., but he loved me and my mom's decision prior to step dad being in the picture, was that money or lack thereof, wouldn't be a factor in our father/daughter relationship.And now, lo and behold, I act like the same asshole my step dad was to me. I'm conscious of it and I try to reset everyday. But after 6.5 years almost, of always being with my kids, I'm on edge. And by always I really mean that. Grocery shopping, errands, hair cuts, parties, personal Dr's appts, meetings. Literally always with me no matter what.And individually my kids are wonderful. But together they're awful. They feed off of each other. They antagonize. They pick fights and encourage the other to do things they know are wrong.And I'm really looking for someone to tell me that it's okay for me to want to be alone sometimes. That 6.5 years really is a long time. My husband tells me that in one week when they start school I'll have alone time finally. And I will. 4 hours a day. And the other side... Anyone else out there feel like I do? Is this normal to feel stretched thin and triggery? If so, hi! You're not alone either!BTW, my kids are great. I'm totally biased and in love with each of them completely. It's not their fault that I've got a shit attitude.Thank you. via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2IOs2hx
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