Hello all.Last fall I brought in three of my sister's children into my home, one of whom is a 12 year old tomboy. She has come from a difficult background, and though she knows her mother loves her, she hasnt quite made peace with all the things that happen. There was never any physical abuse, mostly just neglect in terms of attention, finances, etc. She did have our mother around to help offset some of the worst, but really both of these women - while well-intentioned - are crappy parental figures (scream a lot, tell them to shut up, etc). Different strokes.I am 27, a teacher of teens, and now expecting my only child. I have a calmer demeanor, more patience, but I'm not perfect. I get tired easily of constant noise, and I like to spend a fair bit of time alone. I never planned on having kids myself, but I welcome the challenge.So my niece is very anti-girl everything. She likes clothes 3 sizes too big, refuses to talk about feminine hygiene products though she has already hit puberty (so I buy them and leave them in her room), will scream if she receives anything pink or purple, etc. I get it - I went through that phase when I was her age. I insist on well fitting clothes but dont force anything overly feminine or comment on her choices. She does attend counseling for her anxiety and ADHD as well as her anger, she makes friends, and she does well in school.After we learned about my pregnancy, she immediately started talking about "him" and how it was going to be an awesome boy, etc. I told her it was just as likely to be a girl and, in fact, I would really like a girl. When anyone says this (me, her mom, my mom, my partner, etc) she either screeches, shuts down, or just says "nope it's a boy no matter what you want." I rolled my eyes for the first couple of months because hey, whatever.About a month ago my mom asked her what she will do if the baby is a girl. "Kill it I guess" was her response. Now, she says this about a lot of people, and I think she uses this language to get attention. We admonished her, and she never said anything like that to me again. Yesterday she let it slip to my partner that she may go live with her mom again if it is a girl, and when I mentioned it to my mother, she said it may be best because, "she has said some disturbing things when she's here about the baby. I don't think she'd ever do anything but it is stressful."My niece has never harmed anyone or anything, and I believe this is her fear of change and worrying about competing for attention and love. Nonetheless, it makes me incredibly uncomfortable, and I am not sure what to do. Any advice would be welcome. via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2HbDVMb
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