Step parent moral code

I am a step dad of twin 10 yr old boys, I have been the big boys step dad since they were 3 and we share 50/50 custody with their dad. A couple years ago they gained a step mom, and when she came into the picture we all sat down, had a conversation about working together for what was best for the twins and thought we were all on the same page. As time went on, their step mom stopped communicating about school, sports ect.. She started to do a number of little things that were small but just rude.. like referred to the boys biological mother by her first name when talking with the boys, wouldn’t let the boys call their mom while they were at their house, got irritated if they brought up their mom while at their house and the list goes on. My wife has tried to communicate that this is painful for her and to the boys, but has gotten a response of “well when they are at my house, they are with me” and wants to pretend that their mom doesn’t exist while they are over there. I have made every effort not to over step my bounds as a step parent, all the while giving their dad the respect of him being their father and keeping an open line of communication if issues arouse. I just don’t get why tf their step mom has to be this way and let her ego get in the way of what is best for the twins... thanks for listening. via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2pvHp1O